This is the last post in which I whine about the state of my health (I swear – well for awhile, anyways). On Tuesday night after being soaked in toddler-vomit, I put the wee sickie to bed and noticed my legs were hurting more than usual – for the last several days my legs have been in a lot of pain, but now it was difficult to even walk. I looked at one of my calves and it was covered in a really sexy rash. I was told, once again, to get my pregnant ass to emergency.
Once in emergency, all the possibilities swirled through my head. Being someone who is irrationally afraid of both blood clots and flesh-eating disease, I became consumed with fear. First, the doctor thought he could speed things up for me by seeing me in the temporary bed behind the front counter. Then he touched my wrist, looked with concern at the nurse, and said, “We have to get her another bed. She’s still tacky.” My first thought was that I had every right to show up at the hospital without combing my hair and sporting my pajama pants, but then I realized he was probably talking about the fact that I was still sticky from yet another fever. I glanced at my chart which read, “Patient denies SOB.” This one was puzzling. I do indeed have my moments, but I wouldn’t consider myself a son of a bitch overall and I’d been very polite and smiley while checking in. Then another moment of realization – right, Short of Breath.
My confidence in the medical profession waned a bit when I was seen by an intern. Here is an excerpt of our conversation:
Clueless Intern: So, why do you have a fever?
Me: I don’t know.
CI: This rash is so wierd. Why is it only on your lower legs?
Me: I was hoping you could tell me that.
CI: Well, it’s just so odd. You don’t have a family history of auto-immune diseases or anything do you?
Me: No.
CI: Lupus?
Me: No.
CI: This is going to seem like an odd question, but do you have like, lesions on your butt or anything?
Me: What? Not that I know of. What would that mean?
CI: Well, it’s just… There are some rare infections that… Well, let’s just see what your blood work looks like and work from there.
So, his supervising physician comes in to look at me. I am hopeful he knows more. Once again, I am told how truly wierd my rash is and am tempted to tell them to take pictures for one of those textbooks which showcase medical freaks. They at least rule out blood clots, and are upset that it isn’t hives as my legs were in pain and not itchy.
After hours of pouring over medical textbooks and having a THIRD doctor come to look at me, my blood work comes back okay. By process of elimination, they decide that the only possible thing it could be is an odd allergic reaction to the penicillin I have been taking. Oh, penicillin, why did you turn your back on me after all this time? We have never quarelled before, but now it becomes clear, our relationship is over.
So, I am resting at home for the next few days and am happy to report that it must have been the penicillin as I have stopped taking it and am feeling much more like a human today.
A funny Emerg story for ya….hmm…
After my Jay had his hernia suregery,
we noticed that there was bulging around the scar….not like scar tissue bulging, like my intestines have a will to escape bulging.
So we decided to hang out for the night at the Alex Emerg.
After 4 hours of waiting, while Jason was starting to get worried he’ll have to go into surgery again, or that his small intestine will succeed in making a break for the door,
we approached the nurses’ desk
once more
to ask,
how long it would be
“Well, I just don’t know. I couldn’t tell you”
Now, either Jay was really tired,
or he just didn’t care.
But he made a shocking move here.
he stepped towards the desk, around the corner of it, yielding a barely less-public area….
where he proceeded to drop his pants, and ask
“Does this look normal?”
Needless to say,
We were seen by a doctor, and on our way back to my apartment in 15 minutes.
Well played, Jason.
Well played.
oh, by the way.
when your doctor said ‘tacky’
he said ‘tachy’
which means your heart was beating at an elevated rate.
Just to let you know.
Nice story Talia! Ooh, and thanks for the info on tachy – I would never have guessed it. Although it was hard to hear exactly how it was pronounced what with the drunk guy singing, “I am Ironman”, and the obviously stoned fellow in the next room screaming, “NO! Get off me! Get away! NOOOOOOOOOOO”. Oh, how I love the Emerg. One of the nurses there told me that she gauges how the night will be by how the waiting room smells when she comes in. I think this is brilliant and probably accurate.
so true.
I hate coming in on a call back when all I smell when I come in is Floor Cleaner.
Because, my gosh,
is it ever NOT floor cleaner.
That’s the smell of patially digested Lysol.
And Tachy sounds the same as tacky.
Emerg is funnier, when you don’t have to take blood from the screaming lunatics you have just described.