I know. The suspense is killing you. Here are the rest of the things that are still difficult to deal with when living with a newborn:
5. Before I had kids, I had every intention of only letting the children watch minimal television. But then I realized a secret no one ever tells you – TV makes kids quiet. And sorry, but sometimes I worship TV and its hypnotizing glow when I simply don’t have the energy to entertain the wee one any longer. Sadly then, Elliot has been watching a shameful amount of television. And, even though I like her to watch educational shows, lately I have been subjected to repeated viewings of The Doodlebops and of course, our old favorites, The Wiggles, on DVD. But while I’m trapped under a nursing newborn (did I mention he enjoys cluster feeding in the evening? For like, 4 hours at a time??), I am at the mercy of Elliot’s taste. Which is questionable to say the least. I’m not sure what is more torturous, knowing several nauseating kiddie favorites by heart or bleeding nipples. It’s a toss-up.
6. Being unable to produce children who do not spit up. Every waking hour of the day. Oh, and every sleeping hour of the day, too. So, my already limited wardrobe (thank you pregnancy pounds!) that I am so, so sick of, is covered in sour milk and I’m drowning in piles of laundry. If by some sweet miracle the laundry manages to get washed, no one actually has the time or motivation to actually put it away. Then, just to mix things up a little, and add to both my laundry troubles and my increasingly horrendous body odor, I’m getting peed on. Honestly. Is it not possible with the incredible technological advances that have taken place over the past several years for someone to create a diaper that actually fits a newborn’s scrawny legs? Is this really such an unsolvable mystery that no one can figure out how to keep the pee INSIDE the diaper?
7. My messy, messy house. Sure, this time around is a little bit better (baby slings are one of the greatest inventions of all time) as there are no mystery smells, I can walk through the living room (usually) without impaling myself, and there are no science experiments masquerading as food in my kitchen. But I do have other important things to do with my time besides keep a spotless house. Like blogging. And playing with the toddler. I’m sorry, Martha.
8. The impending dread that one day, very soon, I will be unable to use the excuse, “I’m just going to get pregnant again, so what’s the point of getting back into shape.” And as I sit here, eating yet another tub of Ben and Jerry’s and shuddering at the thought of starting running again, I know that I’m eventually going to have to suck it up and do it. Just the thought of it makes me very, very tired. I’ll start as soon as I’ve napped. For five years.
Did I forget anything? If so, leave it in the comments. Oh, and don’t say “sleep”. Because at the moment, that’s not an issue (knock on wood). Oh, and now don’t leave me a comment telling me I’m a bitch because the baby happens to sleep for several hours straight at night. I’m already aware that just mentioning this is grounds for a giant mama shunning.
Thanks for the shot of realism. I’ve been mulling over having a second. I still think I will, but it’s good to be reminded of what we’ll be going through again.
And don’t worry about the breastophobes. They’re just prudes. Everywhere you look in Europe you see statues of naked men and women. What’s wrong with the real thing?
I breastfed, too, and while I didn’t hate it, I didn’t love it either. You just do it cause you know you should like a lot of other things in life. Good for you! It’s not easy!
#5- tv, and the love/hate relationship therewith. i hear ya. at least we get pooka to watch tvfood network. oh, and mythbusters.
#6- cheeeeese. actually, child the second is a vast improvement over child the first. her regurgitation, combined with our parental naivite, led us to change her clothes about 15 times per day.
#7- messy house. well, my place is no worse after kids than it was before kids. my eternal bad.
#8- don’t worry about your diet-you’re making MILK! hey, it makes _me_ feel better at the end of the day as i mentally survey the massive amounts of food i’ve inhaled.
The pee is a boy thing, I swear. I was peed on so man times when S was a newborn. Now, he’s bigger, but has discovered where the pee comes from and enjoys producing it on a dime and splashing in it, along with dragging mommy’s clean laundry into the peedle.
Fun times…peepee teepee?
Good intentions – that’s a laugh. I could recite Barney and Sharon, Lois and Bram songs backwards and in my sleep. OOps, I’m dating myself. What the fuck is a doodlebop? I am going to have to check it out.
Again, yes, yes, yes.
And no more pregnancies for me. I think two colicky babies is enough.
As far as anything else…can’t think. Brain is fried.
My favorite – breast feeding your child while trying to pee at the same time (yes, I know, not very “hygienic”) – but sometimes, with 2, it’s your only option.
And the TV thing – I completely understand. I also thought I be as restrictive with #2 regarding food as I was with #1 (no sweets, etc etc) – ya, that’s gone now too.
Noone will remember you for your tidy house but they will remember Poot and Cubby and smile and nod in agreement
This is very enlightening, never ever thought about the things I’m learning from you.
Whenever you’re ready/willing/able to start running again, I’d like to start trying again. Let me know.
Hope to see you at SnB soon
Oh, The Doodlebops…Get on the bus! My daughter loved them for awhile. Loved. Them.
My kids were spit up machines. Both of them. Ugh. I feel for you.
You should listen to Grandma….she is right, you know.
I read all of this, and yet still think….I’ve done all of this before and survived…why not a have a third?!? Insane, I tell you. I’m insane. But oh, the smell of a tiny, little baby head……
You just reminded me that both of my kids spit up non-stop 24/7, which means you won’t remember in a few years either. It all becomes a blur after awhile. The good thing is that I swear it makes them non-puking children/adolescents when they are older, as they have already gotten in out of their system.
Screw your messy house – my kids are 12 and 13, and I still live in a pig sty, but I do get more sleep (sorry).
You can run for the rest of your life if you want to – can’t it wait?
Joline – #2 really is easier, so don’t let my bitching completely turn you off of the idea. And thanks for the breastfeeding support – I definitely have a love/hate relationship with it.
Megachick – Thanks. And yes, I do use the excuse that I am a milk factory to justify a ridiculous amount of eating. Glad to hear I’m not the only one.
Sarah – The pee is leaking out of the diaper leg. I was pre-warned about the pee thing when the diaper is off and have taken steps to cover the offending member while I change him.
Larsen – Do not, I repeat, do not check out the Doodlebops. They are the purest of evils.
Jennifer – Agreed. Two is enough.
Teri – Peeing and breastfeeding? You are my new hero.
Grandma – Aw, thanks.
Jill – I hope these revelations are not turning you off of the idea of having kids. And you may be waiting awhile for a running partner, but I shall let you know.
Mel – I noticed you say your daughter “loved” them. As in, past tense. Does this mean there will soon be an end to my misery? And yes, you are insane, but not alone in feeling that way. Their heads are delightfully tasty.
Kippy – Good to know that I may be less likely to be covered in vomit once they reach puberty and that I am not the only one who doesn’t see the logic behind keeping a spotless house. And yes, running can wait. And wait and wait…
How about after everyone else is done holding the kid and it is now grumpy ornery and screaming-that’s the time they decide to give it back to you. “OOOH, you need your mommy.”
Yeah, but mommy doesn’t need her.
Oh I know all about the pukin. Silas puked all the time. I’m happy to announce that Isaac isn’t a puker, phew.
This is probably a stupid question but are you making sure his willy is pointed straight down when you put his diaper on? I use kirkland diapers and no pee leeks unless his willy is out of line. just the littlest dis-alignment can send pee out the diaper.
Phew – I tried to comment here the other day – but the stupid batteries in my keyboard chose that moment to die! And, this is the first chance I’ve had to come back.
I too was going to say that the pee thing seems to be a boy thing. And I didn’t know to point the penis down until someone told me (my husband just looked at me like ‘duh – of course you’re supposed to point it down’) anyway, pointing it down, and moving up one size in diapers really helped and we’ve had no more leaky pee since.
I’m going on 9 months of nursing my second now, and I constantly say ‘I need 500 extra calories a day you know’ as I shove copious calories into my mouth
Good luck – it does get better.
Moosh – So, so true.
Annie and Plucky – I do point the penis down, and yet still, leakage. Egads, what a production to change a boy’s diaper. I’m going to try out another brand of diaper and cross my fingers that I go a few days without baby pee being a staple of my wardrobe.
weird. Perhaps he’s just got a lot of pressure behind that pee? Try costco diapers. I love them
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