I present to you 3 compelling reasons why I may be a less than perfect parent. I may even be what some people call a “slacker mom”.
1. My child may watch an obscene amount of television.
Exhibit A: When discussing Jason’s upcoming birthday with him, Elliot insisted that, “No! My birthday’s next…on Treehouse.”
2. Jason and I may have called Elliot a jerk on occasion. As in, “If you don’t stop acting like a jerk, you’re not going to get any ice-cream.” But only when it’s absolutely necessary. And at least I have thus far avoided calling her something worse, like an asshole – even though God knows that’s a more apt description some days. And I do always say “jerk” in a joking tone so I don’t irreversibly scar her emotionally. Anyway, enough of defending my despicable behavior, the results speak for themselves…
Exhibit B: Elliot is up to her night-time shenanigans again. Since the baby gate has returned to its rightful place in front of her door to deter her roaming, she has reasserted her power over us mere mortals by using her body against us. Even though she goes to the bathroom right before bed, she will always ask to go again, after she is all tucked in and almost asleep. We have to let her go, because cleaning human waste off of the carpet is not an activity I enjoy. And she is never the girl who cried pee – she always releases about 3 drops of pee into the toilet or manages to poop.
So, last night, she called down, “I have to POOP!”
Jason sighed, went upstairs and asked, “Why do you have to poop after I just got you into bed?”
Elliot replied, “Because I’m a jerk.”
3. My daughter has a faulty sense of logic. I can only assume this is my fault. I’m not sure how, but one day I’m sure her therapist will discover the reason.
Exhibit C: When we asked her why she took her blankets and pillow onto the floor to sleep, Elliot replied, “Cuz I got to sleep on the floor. Cuz I need to get some dreams.”
Ah, yes. It’s all clear now.
*******
On the other hand, we may be doing something right. I would also have you consider the following piece of evidence, Exhibit D, which is a loving exchange between Elliot and her daddy.
Elliot: Daddy, let’s talk about people.
Jason: Who do you want to talk about?
Elliot: Uncle Tony. Where does Uncle Tony live?
Jason: He lives far away.
Elliot: Why?
Jason: Because he had to move there for work.
Elliot: Oh.
Jason: Where do you live, Elliot?
Elliot: Here.
Jason: Why?
Elliot: Because you my family. I love you guys.
If she had a more developed vocabulary, I can’t help but feel certain that she would have said this.
So, there you have it. What’s the verdict? Care to put some of your exhibits of slacker parenting on display for all to see?
oh I have WAAAY too many exhibits proving my very bad parenting. Such as the pen mark that lines our windowsills… the permenant marker on our door… the PLIERS i found stuck in the electrical outlet (GAK!)… and yes, the list goes on and on. Glad I’m not entirely alone!
We had a bit of a bad night last night … Oh, how I need to get some dreams!
Oh yes, OBSCENE amounts of TV. Realizing I haven’t seen Carson in at least an hour because I’ve been “busy” on the computer. Completely forgetting to feed Carson a snack and him (almost in tears) asking for “apple bar.”
I’m awesome, I know.
Hi… just found your blog a few days ago through a link on someone else’s site (can’t remember who — sorry).
This is my favorite example of my slacker parenting… happens at least once a week.
…Child watching TV in the morning while I try and grab a few more winks on the couch. I have already poured him a cup of milk, but he has put it down. He finds A cup of milk, which may or may not be the one I just poured for him. “Mommy, is this yucky milk?”
He actually knows to check with me before drinking a potentially strange cup of milk because it might be left over from the night before.
Sweet!!
Ah, yes. How about when Jack and Ben said, the other night, “Daddy, Mommy doesn’t really have a limit on Nintendo. Because she says it’s an hour, but then she never tells us when the hour’s up.”
Kid #4 ate all of his suppers in front of the TV. As I recall he did his homework there too. I was a classic slacker.
Losing my temper and yelling at a 2 year always made me feel so proud…and I can relate to the night time thing. Daughter Love used to frequently get up in the night and make her own bed in the hallway. When we would try and help her, she would scream bloody murder, then everyone would be awake! Ah the good old days.
My daughter spills her entire box of raisins on the floor. I am too pregnant/lazy to bend down to pick them up. So I let her sit there and pick them off the floor, eating them from there.
Kid #4 spent every waking moment in front of the TV from the time his 3 older siblings left in the morning until the time they got home from school. Unless of course he could persuade me to drive over and get Jessica for a playdate. I think Jessica is more responsible than I am for David growing up to respect girls!
Ya…my kids are addicted to Treehouse too. At least Zander comes and goes….Logan plops himself in front of the TV and just zones out. And if someone *dare* blocks his view of the TV, he contorts his body and cranes his neck until he can see it. Sadly, it’s a running joke in the family.
And now for something I’m not proud of, but just to support you and to show you that you aren’t alone…..we call Logan a little asshole…NOT TO HIS FACE mind you…but it still makes me feel guilty. Unfortunately, there is no better way to describe him at times. He’s been unintentionally spoiled because of all the extra (read excessive!) attention he needed due to his GERD…and now he thinks he owns the place…of course….I say it in a loving way, so that makes it okay….right????
“Good night the moosh.”
“I’m not the moosh, I’m beautiful. I’m a beautiful beautiful princess.”
My kid may have some vanity issues.
Maybe
I tell my kids they are acting like brats something. BECAUSE THEY ARE! Hell, tell ‘em like it is I say. A brat is a brat is a brat.
Hmm, so Eliot goes for the “calculated power play” yes, I see. Sigh. I really think that slacker moms might just save humanity. I mean seriously, have you seen some of those coddled children running around out there? And since when are we not allowed to tell someone (regardless of age) when they’re acting like a jerk? I say the earlier children are called out on their crap the better. And see? It’s already paid off – she knows she’s being a jerk when she makes you take her to the bathroom over and over again! It’s a beautiful circle of something…
I think little miss rocks!
We watch waaay too much tv here, too. Punkin’ will come up with some new word or phrase and when I ask him where he got it from it is almost always from a tv show. Hey, at least he’s learning something!
My mother swears my kids will be in trouble at school because he called his daddy a “stinkin’ turd” But it was so totally used in the proper context. I figure he could say much worse….
Just found your blog, and it’s already making me laugh like crazy!
It’s always great to hear other parents admit their faults. I admit, I’ve called both of the kids turds at one point or another, and boy can I raise my voice. My daughter has every Harry Potter movie memorized, and I think my son considers Webkinz World to be his second home.
Go slacker parents! lol.
Exhibit A: The number of times my kids eat chicken nuggets or Chef B. in any given week.
Exhibit B: The fact that we check out just as many DVDs as we do books from the library.
I’m sure there are more, but the youngest is objecting to being held captive in his room by his sibling. Must finally intervene.
Oh, yeah — Exhibit C: Allow them to bicker, telling myself that “They need to learn to work it out themselves,” simply because I cannot be bothered to get up for the millionth time to explain the totally foreign concept of SHARING.
I love hearing what Elliot has to say, it’s so funny and you present it so well. I’m excited to hear Silas coming up with funny things to say.
Reason 1: My baby is fairly particular about his food – only wants it if dipped in applesauce or yogurt – I give up.
Reason 2: Jack has to have ‘quiet time’ while bambino is sleeping – however I don’t care if it’s in front of the TV or wherever he wants – as long as it’s far away from me! (for at least an hour)
[...] 2nd, 2007 by runninginwellies Andi from Poot and Cubby stood up and admitted the ways in which she is a slacker mom a couple of days ago and asked us if [...]
I loved this post, so much so that I made my reply a blog post of my own.
Oh, let me count the ways!
At my house, time is measured in episodes of “Jimmy Neutron.” That’s probably my biggest example of slacker parenting.
Yesterday The Poo asked if she could play play-doh, and when I said yes, this was her reply:
“Yay! Mommy, you aren’t bein’ mean to me!”
Nice. Very nice.
Sounds normal in this house….hee hee
I love it when my daughter tells me I’m mean and I don’t love her anymore.
I love it so much that the last time she said it…I told her if she says it again, I’m gonna slap her in the face.
My Exhibit A.
We need to start Slacker Moms Anonymous!
@ Teri: at least those are fairly healthy dips, not like ketchup.
@ shauna: but now that we’ve all commented here, we’re no longer anonymous.
pooka also watches waaaaay too much tv, often in my bed while i am sleeping.
we have called her a brat-to her face.
she gets mad at anyone who denies that she is a princess.
here’s hoping #2 turns out a little better….
I feel you on Exhibit B! My three and a half year old son quickly discovered that if he gets out of bed but can squeeze out a few drops he won’t be threatened with mortal peril!