1. The first step is admitting you have a problem. Since attempting to fire your belly may prove unsuccessful, you might want to consider other avenues. Like exercise. Seeing your daughter draped over the couch under a blanket and a pile of books like a bed-ridden senior citizen, you think it’s time you both got out for some fresh air. And maybe, just maybe, the girl should see her mother exercise occasionally so that she will operate under the mistaken impression that it is completely normal and not at all painful to be physically active. Yes, being a positive role model appeals to you.
2. Spend a few minutes wallowing in excuses and pondering the various ways in which the youngins attempt to foil your plans to lose weight. It’s the baby’s fault for wanting to be entertained (or fed) during every waking hour. It’s cold. Exercise is pointless as long as all the Halloween candy continues to haunt your house, ready to tackle you with its evil deliciousness at any given moment.
3. Decide it’s time to take action and forgo a splendid half hour you could spend reading while the baby sleeps on your lap.
4. Spend (what?) a half-hour getting everyone dressed, fed, and strapped into their mode of transportation.
5. Start walking briskly. Think to self: I can totally do this everyday.
6. Ignore the fact that you have ample opportunities to actually do this everyday, like say, walking to and from preschool. Something that you conveniently sabotage by running late every school day so that driving is a necessity.
7. Realize that although pushing almost 60 pounds worth of kid in a heavy tandem stroller is indeed exercise, your three-year-old lives to thwart you.
8. Stop every half-block for various emergencies such as, but not limited to: following friendly dogs and discussing at length what their names might be; picking up treasures, which includes any random crap along the roadway like twigs, leaves, and rocks; stopping at every large puddle so that your insane offspring can jump up and down in it.
9. Predict that your daughter will soon remember that she hates being wet soon after she squeals with delight, “I got me!” as her splashes reach the tops of her legs.
10. Reason with daughter (that’s right, I’m all about accomplishing the impossible) as she tries to strip off her soaking pants in the middle of the street. Explain that one cannot walk around in the almost-winter (or any time, for that matter) without pants.
11. Feel an undeniable rush of happiness. Even though as a form of exercise this walk has been an abysmal failure, as with many events, the kids have made another banal activity pleasantly unpredictable.
12. Instruct your memory to file away for reference (during some future day that desperately needs brightening): the look of peace on your baby’s soft face while he slept in the stroller; Elliot’s pure, bursting-with-so-much-joy-you’d-swear-she’s-going-to-explode smiles and giggles while she ran and jumped through the puddles. Remind yourself that even eliminating your renegade belly couldn’t possibly make you feel this way.
I particularly like #12. I’ve made peace with my belly… we’re almost friends, even!
Number 12 just made me melt.
Happiness is jumping in a puddle especially when it has a thin layer of ice. You go girl!!
So so sweet…
Awww. This is just the post I needed. I’ve been depressed over my flabby belly lately, but I just have to remember WHY I have this flabby belly — I’ve given birth to two wonderful kids. It IS worth it for a little extra flab.
(Although I’m still going on a diet. Someday.
)
This was very funny. It seems no matter what we mothers try, our kids always try to foil our efforts. But, at least they’re cute.
I love it! Thanks for putting things in perspective. I have always hated my belly, no matter how large or small it is at any given moment. And to my piglet, I’ll be pretty no matter what I look like.
I think all model women have bellies. How could we not? We’re real, honest, genuine women who cope with endless frustrations, chaos and crisis. In the midst of it all it’s nice to be reminded that it’s time to stop and notice the important things. But never forget – every blessed inch of us is a reminder of what we have accomplished in our lives – the good and the bad. We just have to stop focusing on what deters us and look at our own unique beauty.
Have I mentioned recently that I adore you? That was a fabulous post!
The hardest part of excersise is always the “having to go do it”…once out there though it really can be oh so wonderful!
Now I need to borrow someone’s kids and go take a walk…
These are excellent fitness tips! Love reasoning with a 3 year old! And I adore #12.
I remember telling your Mom I never had time to exercise when my babe was young. She told me I will once she leaves home. She’d better not ever leave!!! Exsirsize! Phooey, I don’t even know how to spell it! My belly says hi five to your belly…
That’s the point – they make us keep things in perspective. They make us see things we wouldn’t have seen otherwise. That’s why I keep mine around….
Awwww, these are the days that get us through the other days. HOw sweet!
so sweet…love number 12!
Amen to 12 !!
It seems you have exercise avoidance justification down to a science. But with distractions as adorable as your kids, do you really stand a chance?
I’d be happy if I could just send my tummy to Time Out for a few hours. (long enough for me to squeeze into my favorite dress for a night out)
This was perfect! I have experienced all of those, and then some–enough to drive anyone completely off attempts to exercise. But you’re right, it’s all so worth it in the end.
You are so right. I really should make more time for “exercise” especially if it ends up turning into fun outside time. I sure could use more of that.
I used to like exercise. I loved the alone time my iPod and I shared on a regular basis. Now, I’d rather be sleeping. HOWEVER, sleeping does prevent me from eating because as far as I know, I am not a sleep-eater. If I could just sleep all day, I think I may be on to something.
Gorgeous post Andi! I have similar feelings, and try to keep a lid on my impatience long enough to enjoy them with Miss E. Jen had a post today at one plus two about the magic of childhood – her sentiments are very similar to these.