Last weekend, when Elliot spent a day with her aunt, we made a mad dash out to buy her some Christmas presents. Since our house looks like Disney threw up all over it (as Jen said in my last princess post), we decided that a few more items of the Disney princess variety couldn’t hurt. The one exception was the Barbie princess laptop that Elliot has been begging for for months. Actually she’s been begging for the Disney one, but her playing with that more complex version would involve far too much parental involvement on my part. I think I’ve established just how lazy I am and how much I crave a few moments to myself – I’m not going to let a complicated toy take that away from me.
Anyway, the next day as we got in the car, Elliot asks me, “What’s in that bag?” As in, the bag underneath the seat in front of her. Of course, I forgot to bring the bloody laptop inside and was now going to have to explain to her that Santa was nothing but a silly lie that parents made up to keep their kids from misbehaving for one month of the year.
I decided instead to keep the lie going. Thankfully the bag was closed and she couldn’t see inside. I joked with her about how it was a surprise and she had to close her eyes. Then I put it in the trunk. Oddly enough, she didn’t even ask about it later. This is strange in many ways because she usually remembers everything. Just last night I quickly mentioned I was craving chips and this morning she woke up requesting chips for breakfast. I can only conclude that she assumed the bag contained something boring. Something besides candy or toys. Or that she figured out that it was a Christmas gift and, sensing my panic, she saved me from the potential guilt that would result in me ruining the first Christmas where she actually understands what’s going on.
Since I love being my own worst enemy, I almost messed up again. Yesterday, Jason was showing me some stocking stuffers he picked up and we left them downstairs on the table. Just before I fell asleep, I sat bolt upright remembering that I should probably hide them before Elliot found them in plain view in the morning. I would have been screwed if she’d have seen them. Do you think she would buy any of the following stories?
1. The North Pole is in a completely different time zone and it’s a mystery to us mere mortals. Maybe this year it’s a month ahead of us…
2. Santa is really, really old. He’s suffering from Alzheimer’s and is not sure when Christmas is any more. This causes him to drop off presents at the oddest times.
3. Due to exploding population growth and an elf labor dispute, Santa is incredibly busy and asked me to help him out this year.
I’m really going to have to be more careful. Sometimes there is a downside to having a smart, not so gullible kid.
Feel free to leave me your most outrageous example of Christmas incompetence or the best lies you’ve told your kids during this time of year. It really would make me feel better.
I’m telling you Andi – she’s in cahoots with Miss E – seriously! I had chocolate santas and coins and gorgeous Christmas Cookies that my Mum sent out all the way from Ireland for my kids stockings. I stashed them at the back of a drawer in my dresser where Miss E NEVER looks, ever. I even took the extra precaution of covering them with receiving blankets and burp clothes.
You SO know what she came out to the kitchen and showed me while I was cooking dinner last night. I couldn’t believe it!
I had to tell her the truth, that Nana sent them and we have to keep them for Christmas – but boy was I bummed! These were the same candies that we got in our stockings each year.
Don’t forget to make the Santa wrapping paper DIFFERENT from the paper you use for gifts from, um, real people. That tripped me up one year.
Last year – I was CONVINCED my Big Boy was asleep. So Jeff and I pulled out the goodies (big bike and all), assembled them under the tree and stood back looking at our handy-work. Next thing we knew SOMEONE was sitting on the landing of the stairs …. we chased him back to bed. I covered up with “Did you hear Santa on the rooftop? Is that why you came downstairs??”. Yep – he heard Santa he said. Whew. That was close.
Personally I like #3!
I am going to miss out on the lies and the sneaking around. I was raised with Christmas and Santa, my husband being Jewish was not. While he will contend with putting up lights and a tree he refuses to lie about Santa…how wrong is that?? How am I going to get our kids to behave this time of year without resenting me?? His sister for example simply makes her boys tell people “we arent getting anything for Hannakah this year because Mom says we have not behaved”.
Where is the fun in that?
We never had to tell our kids because for some reason the older kids in their school were bent on ruining it for the younger ones (jerks). Probably because the older kids ruined it for them when they were little and the chain of “destroying the myth of Santa” just couldn’t be broken.
When my oldest was 4 we bought him one of those V-Tech “laptops” because he showed an interest in computers. A few weeks after Christmas we found it in his room with the entire keyboard covered in Elmer’s glue. Apparently one of the key tops had come off so he decided to fix it.
My mum always opted for explanation number three.
Emma doesn’t have a clue about Santa yet. I could think up things I’ll probably mess up, but I’m not feeling too creative today. =P
Just this morning I was explaining to my daughter that now with video games and such that the elves could not make, Santa was asking for the parents to help pay for gifts. This was because she wants $9000. worth of stuff she truly thinks will be under the tree from Santa. I didn’t want her to be disaapointed! She took it all to good and said that she would be happy with a Nintendo DS and a game. Whatta kid!! I have become quite creative with Santa stories over the years. I have a 21, a 18 and now the 8 year old. I believe she has figured out the whole Santa thing but doesn’t want to ruin it for momma.
Remember when I was asking you kids what age you found out Santa wasn’t real and Day-Day was hiding under the bed? Oh my Goddess, I still fell bad about that one. My babe only found out when she was 13! I can’t believe I got away with it for that long. The only reason she found out is because I bought a hair straightener from our hairdresser for a Santa gift and she asked my babe how it was working for her! WTF! How would she know about that, she asked. Busted! She doesn’t go to that hairdresser anymore, being scrooge and all. As your mommy said to Day-Day when he asked if Santa was real, she replied, “I believe”. Yay Sis!
I haven’t had to start lying yet, but I’m hoping to pick up some tips here from parents in the know.
THis is especially funny since Carson almost found the toy I bought him at Walmart last night. Almost. Thank goodness I got it hidden because I don’t think telling him that Santa has Alzheimer’s would have done the trick!
“Mom, what’s that smell?” one of the boys asked me early Christmas morning while checking out “Santa’s” toys.
“Um, I think Santa must have farted when he was here.”
I’m so bad.
My daughter was pretty pissed when she didn’t want to get her picture taken with Santa in the mall, and I told her to go ahead. She was all, “Just take my picture with him when he comes to our house.” I had to make up a story about him being camera shy only when he is inside houses. Since she’s two, it worked. The camera shy story that is, but she definitely did not go for the photo-op.
Last year the main present that we bought CJ was a HUGE bucket of tinkertoys from costco. Jay was in charge of hiding it (a mistake!) and he “hid” it in our closet. With the door open. Right in front. (LOSER!). CJ found it immediately. I just let him keep it (”surprise!”) and we had to get him something different. Sigh.
“Oh, I got her a Cinderella dress for Christmas half off from the Disney Store after Halloween.”
SHE SPEAKS FLUENT PRINCESS AND I SAID THIS IN FRONT OF HER.
Oy, vey.
I don’t recall any specific Christmas boo boo but I know I was a totally inept Tooth Fairy.
I said to my child “what should we get Granny for Christmas”? She said, “Well I’ll give her this picture, in case Santa forgets”. I haven’t yet had to lie to her.
Thankfully I haven’t had to lie yet. I’ve come very close to making boo boos though.
I really like #3!
The Poo is still really gullible. I have all the boxes in the dining room and she doesn’t even spare them a glance. Weird.
I haven’t messed up at Christmas yet, but I did forget my tooth fairy duties once and told my son the tooth fairy was allergic to cats and we’d have to leave a note the next night to let the tooth fairy know we’d lock the cat in my bedroom so she/he could come into my son’s room without getting sick. It worked!!!
Last year we went to Hawaii for Christmas when B Man was 13 and Sha Sha was 11. She had written to Santa requesting sleigh bells, as she was on the “believing” fence, and thought this would be a tough one. I actually found a strap with bells, that could pass for the real McCoy, and painstakingly packed tissue inside the bells in my suitcase (so that you couldn’t hear them ringing). Only problem was, like an idiot, I left price tags on the rest of the stocking stuffers! I know that the 13 year old didn’t believe my “Santa sometimes likes to shop at the ABC stores, when he is running low” crap, but I think my daughter turned a blind eye to it. I hate it when they stop believing!
Tooth Fairy story: We have a very good friend who is a Dentist in BC. They have 4 kids and quite often forget who lost a tooth and when. Their favorite excuse is that the tooth fairy was late, because she got stuck in a blizzard in Alberta.
Santa’s handwriting was suspiciously the same as my Mom’s. (It took my older sister and I until ~ 8 to figure this out, though — but you may want to start disguising that writing early to get in practice!)
With four kids, Santa had to write out which toy was for which kid, ya know?