Dear Santa,
I’m aware Christmas has been over for three weeks and that you’re probably sitting on a beach sipping margaritas and coaching reindeer surfers. I avoided writing this letter until now out of respect for you (and because I hit my usual post-Christmas funk and wasn’t motivated to do much of anything).
I thought I made it perfectly clear that I didn’t want anything this year. Instead, you gave me something I didn’t want and wouldn’t have asked for in a million years. And then you didn’t even bother to leave the receipt. I can only conclude that your drinking began early this year as you left me this taunting card by the fireplace:
I know we all like to party, but this is truly irresponsible. Not only did you gift me a singular gray hair, you were driving a large, heavy sleigh under the influence. For shame, Santa!
So, here it is. Three weeks after Christmas and my gift continues to taunt me every time I look in the mirror. I can only hope that you were considerate enough to leave me an infertile hair and that it hasn’t already pulled an Adam, made an Eve and started procreating in its attempt to make me an old woman before my time. Massive breeding of said gray hair better not begin until I’m at least forty – until I’ve lost all hope that I’ll ever be asked for ID in the liquor store again. And long after strangers at my door ask me if my mother is home (which still happens on occasion and is a delight I’m not ready to part with just yet).
In closing, just to make you feel extra guilty, I’ve enclosed a recent picture of myself. It was taken after I returned home from the salon. I needed documentation to prove that twice a year for at least five minutes I look passably cute and put-together in the absence of spit-up and bags under my eyes announcing, “Here comes a mommy!” to anyone unfortunate enough to lay eyes on my frumptastic self.
See the fabulous head of hair you’ve sentenced to death? I suppose it was inevitable that I should inherent my family’s tendency towards early graying – I just didn’t think you would be the one to break the news. It definitely put a damper on the festivities.
I really must go. I’m busy defending against the enemy that lurks just beneath the surface of my locks. I’m truly not that vain about my appearance, but I was really hoping to avoid spending a good chunk of my monthly salary dying my hair in order to cling to what’s left of my youth.
If you wish to return to my good books, feel free to bring me something miraculous next year. Like large, yet perky boobs. Or a flat stomach. Only then shall I continue to leave you yummy cookies.
Sincerely,
andi
I have started finding grey hairs of late. My husband dismisses them (possibly because he has more of them than I do.) I count myself lucky, though. My Mom started turning grey at 18 !! At least I made it past 30.
And my husband does great work with those home dying kits.
Oh….I blame all my grey hairs on my youngest – they did not emerge until he emerged. Direct causality I say. Thankfully I am somewhat blondish so mine are lost to most people…..
And my mom has been gray since FOREVER so anything is better than that.
That is an adorable picture!!
You’re cute!
You are going to be adorable when you’re all old and gray . . . in about 50 years!
I feel your pain! Started graying at 21 and now that I’m ***cough-cough*** what? almost 38 I have to get full die jobs. And you’re a brunette like myself. I’m sorry. Enjoy the brown as long as you can!
Wow. I’ve never been a salon kind of girl, but having just one picture in which I look half as hot as you might be worth it. I have to tell you though, I can’t see how one or two or hundreds of gray hairs could make you any less cute.
Hey there, Hottie! Love the hair.
Too bad about the gray hair. Shame on Santa.
19. I was 19 when I started to go grey.
It was also the year I got married.
Coincidence? I think not.
I dream of having only 1 gray hair. Of course I dream of having hair period.
Anyway, I say pluck it out and frame it, and then the next time your kids are driving you crazy show them your gray hair and tell them “this is what you’re doing to me!” It doesn’t solve anything but it sure feels good.
Oh Andi…I sympathize. Like Maureen I got my first gray hair when I was married at 21. I now colour my hair, and have just discovered that at just shy of 30, three of my gray hairs refuse to be chemically altered to appear brown. What cruel and injust forces of the universe have conspired to torture me this way? I have made peace with my post c-section body, but this, this is too much! I have born three wonderful children that will not be blights on society, I pay my taxes, I recycle like a mad woman…is this a punishment for my tendancy to gossip?
I feel your pain. No idea how old you are, but I was around 21 when my first grey hairs began to emerge. Now, 12 years later, I’ve all but given up. My hubby will occasionally offer to get me some hair dye (when I’ve been particularly whiny about them) but for the most part, I just pluck when they are most obvious (WHY do the grow right in the front of my forehead – Three of them there – WHY???) and otherwise leave them alone.
I don’t know if you blame Santa for this one, or Mother Nature.
Melody
Bow chicka bow wow!
I want a flat stomach for Christmas too.
I just recently gave up the tri-colored highlights in favor of a more natural look that would also be less maintenance and less expensive to maintain. And guess what I discovered? Now I have gray highlights. Ugh. It happens to the best of us. You are gorgeous anyway my friend.
You have the BEST hair.
Now I want to go darker.
Hair envy.
gorgeous! Santa Clause is a naughty bastard for giving you a gray hair. I’ll be cementing the top of my chimney shut so that he can’t come gunning for me next year.
You are beautiful.
And I covet your hair.
When I was in my 20s, I went to a stylist who plucked a stray gray from underneath to show me. I was horrified. And still pissed off at her for enlightening me.
I think you’ll look great with a few grays!
I too have a special request in to Santa about abs of steel and gravity defying boobs.
Your only hope is to worship the god LOREAL. I have for years.
I found my first grey hair just after the turn of 2008.
Go me. I beat you.
I’m 26 and no grey hairs yet, thank goodness. I did have a friend in college who had it a lot lot worse. The women in her family started losing hair in their 30s. I know grey sucks, but hey, you still have a full head of hair, right?
And everyone has said it already but that is a very cute pic
’specs
I just turned 28… no idea how old you are, but I’m guessing at least close. I have this weird blond streak where no sun ever really shines… and yesterday I discovered that most of it wasn’t blond anymore, it was white. So apparently I get to go straight from brown to white. Joy.
My mom had her first gray hair when she was 19. Ironically, that’s when she married my dad. HA!
Don’t dye your hair, even if the damn thing does multiply. It is so much nicer to see people embrace the gray than hide it.
Then again, I am blonde, and we don’t really gray – we just turn white. So what the hell do I know?
I am actually jealous…I grayed at 22!
The luck of the Irish…
Here is the thing to worry about…is it smooth like your other hairs or wire-like?
Is this your nice way of not blaming Elliot and Arlo?
Because they’re who I would blame.
Although the Santa angle is much more appealing, SANTA? WHAT THE HELL IS WITH THE WHISKER ON MY CHIN?
I can’t imagine anything further from ‘frumptastic’! And what I wouldn’t do for a *singular* grey hair!!!
Your hair is faboo. For seriously.
Ugg grey hair is horrible sorry
, you look great though
my hubby has some gray hairs…that started after the boys were born. coincidence???
he actually goes on gray-hair hunts. he stands in front of the mirror with a pair of tweezers and plucks them…crazy!
you know, i bet it will be just my like that my hair finally decides to grow back…and it will be gray!
oh…forgot to mention…you’re GORGEOUS! i don’t think any number of gray hairs will change that!