As proof of my excellent skills in supervising and influencing the wee ones, I offer the following points:
1) While sitting in the living room with Elliot, I opened up an innocuous looking audio e-mail attachment and had this blaring from my computer: “ATTENTION: YOU ARE SPENDING TOO MUCH FUCKING TIME ON THE INTERNET!” Who says children can’t watch educational television and get valuable vocabulary building skills at the same time?
2) While making lunch yesterday, Arlo was exploring the hallway when he suddenly disappeared from view. I knew he’d probably sneaked into the bathroom – a.k.a. The Playground of Forbidden Delights. Just as I thought he was safe within his porcelain cage, I heard a chewing noise. Chewing. In the bathroom. That can’t be good. Apparently, he was impatient with my slow lunch preparations and was eager to put his two new teeth to good use. When I ran in there, he was eating toilet paper. Chewing and swallowing. Yum, fiber!
3) On Sunday while driving, Elliot was in the back seat singing – when I say “singing”, I mean yelling at the top of her lungs with only a hint of a background tune – something that sounded disturbingly like, “SEX GAMES! SEX GAMES! SEX SEX SEX GAMES!” (Oy. I fear the Googlers I shall trap under false pretenses with this one…)
Can Toilet Paper be considered a vegetable because it comes from a tree? Maybe that’s how I can increase Stinky’s vege intake???
And Sex Games you say … what kind of show are you running over there Andi??
Teri – I swear to you those words have never been uttered in front of her.
I think she was trying to say something else, but we couldn’t understand what it was.
And as for the toilet paper – that is hilarious! I never thought of it that way before…
Mmm, fiber. At least he wan’t drinking toilet water. It’s happened. lol
Fiber is good for you! It could be worse. It could have been a box of tampons!
I sing like Elliot.
I hear a high-fiber diet helps with the digestive system.
And sex games?? Lady, do you have a wild side?
My one year old will also eat toilet paper given the chance. He also likes dog food. Gah.
Hmm. What kind of toilet paper are you buying that you can hear someone chewing it???
Sex games?? What were you listening to??
I’m awesome too. My dearest daughter is screaming her head off upstairs and I’m ignoring her. SHE WILL NAP, DAMMIT.
And toilet paper truly is an excellent source of fiber. Who needs Metamucil when you’ve got TP?
This is why I firmly believe that the biggest reason for having kids is comic relief.
a) I think you need to invest in softer toilet paper.
b) At least he wasn’t chewing on the toilet brush.
c) Your daughter cracks me up.
Just to clear something up, it wasn’t like a crunchy-chewing noise. (I think it’s hysterical that some of you think we’re using something akin to sandpaper on our delicate areas.) It was more like him smacking his little lips together. He’s a loud chewer – or maybe I just have super-spidey hearing when it comes to worrying that he’s eating something he shouldn’t be.
Oh, and Mrs. Chicken – no wild side. Really! Certainly not one that the children have seen…
And Lilacspecs – we weren’t listening to anything. She makes up her own songs all the time. I have no idea where she got the lyrics to this one.
I’m usually pretty good at toddler translating, but can’t for the life of me figure out what “sex games” might have been. I’ll have to keep thinking on that one.
Eating toilet paper is about 15 steps up from playing in the toilet water. Good thing he didn’t get thirsty!
Too funny. You gotta love kids!
I didn’t have anything witty to say after reading everyone else’s comments. But I did nearly spray coffee out my nose while reading…good times
Tee hee. I hear toilet paper and seashells are a great combo. Maybe we can get Arlo and the J-dog together for a play date.
What I would like to know is why Elliot does not have a recording contract…it sounds like her music is very current!
Oh goody, I’m not alone. My daughter ate her napkin last night at dinner and my son walks around singing a song about Booty all the time.
Sex games, eh? Freya hasn’t started any of those just yet, but she did say that she feels the songs from Grease in her body. Powerful women we’re raising here, you know that? Crazy powerful. Men better just take a step back, that’s all I have to say.
ROFL! Dontcha just love the internet…thankfully my girlies are old enough that I can have my office downstairs. Here’s a hint to help you out…as a similar thing happened to me…turn the vol down on the computer unless you need it up :O)
And after that Sex Games song (yes I scan ahead) I was really unsure what Arlo got into and was eating in the bathroom…LOL!
HA! I can so relate. My two “accidentally” heard an explicit lyric cd belonging to their older sister and of course repeated the words . I had to think quick on my feet and say ” no no” he’s not saying I want to “f*ck you” he’s saying “I want to fluff you” and he’s talking to his pillows.
Thank goodness they bought it *sigh*
Teri’s comment is nearly as funny as the post itself!
I was about to teach Becca the word “Fork” the other day but decided to hold off until her ability to ennuciate sufficiently improves.
What I wish for is an audio email attachment that comes blaring out from my computer, saying: “Hey all you slobs in the house! Would it kill you to put your dirty clothes in the hamper instead of the floor?! Does anyone here know that we have a dog, or is it just me?! Are any of you teenagers remotely interested in learning how to do your own Fucking laundry, so that you don’t whine in the morning that ‘you don’t have any clean jeans’??? And, dear Husband, not sure if you noticed, but I Too Have a Full Time Job!….okay, at least he irons his own clothes, but how about plan and cook the odd meal!
Sorry just having a bad day and need to vent.
I miss the good old days of innocent toddler swearing/sex talk (copying me, the Mom) and crawlers eating toilet paper(okay that’s not me) – love to those precious two.
Google perverts are so odd. “Looney Tunes P*rn” is one of my top searches.
Too twisted for color tv.
sorry I forgot in my selfish comment, that you are, indeed, an excellent Mother! Not surprising, considering your own.
Much Love
K
A few of my husbands friends will occasionally send, shall I say , adult worded emails, on a number of occasions I have opened the attachment before thinking and my little one has heard a few words I would prefer her not to repeat. And I do think somewhere in the food chart T.P. is listed as a great source of fiber. Then again maybe its not.;)
Ah yes, toilet paper, the forgotten source of fiber. Just be glad he didn’t decide to do a little cleaning with your toothbrush!
My daughter drops something and says “God damn it.” Just like Mommy.
How bout that for good parenting?
I just laughed out loud at the Land Of Forbidden Delights and the chewing in the bathroom…so, so funny.
Today I heard a funny sound of rustling papers as I was on my laptop and I looked over the table to find that my little girl had gone into my bag, took out my wallet and spread my receipts AAALLL over the place.
Parenting at its finest.
Mmmm…toilet paper!
Haha! LOL at Sex Games!? What the heck
Land of Forbidden Delights–funny stuff!
I could use that audio bite on my computer.
And I’ll be trying for hours to figure out the real Sex Games lyric.
Thanks for stopping by and for leaving your comment! I look forward to spending some time catching up on some of your posts.
Oh the bathroom, how come it’s so much fun in there? Why is a roll of toilet paper so enticing to a wee baby?? Ikey would be in heaven if I just gave him a roll and let him go at it.