“Nothing has a stronger influence psychologically on their environment and especially on their children than the unlived life of a parent.” -C.G. Jung
I’ve had to take a good look at my life lately to determine if I’m doing what I need to be doing to be happy.
To be honest, I’ve always wanted to be a writer. A published writer. I had a few book reviews published in the paper several years ago. One of my reviews was even quoted on the back cover of a book (which I promptly bought and will look at to give me a cheap thrill when I’m feeling down.) I stopped doing the book reviews after I became bored with the formula and wanted to branch out to do something more creative. But other than starting this blog, I never did.
Here’s the thing - I realize that over the past few years I’ve used a series of crutches to avoid doing doing any meaningful work towards realizing my dream. I’ve stared at the television for hours. I’ve knitted items I didn’t necessarily want to knit. I’ve pretended I didn’t have the time because of the combination of my kids, my marriage, and my work. I’ve lived inside the computer, visiting Facebook and becoming obsessed with writing and reading blogs. Anything I could do to avoid taking a chance.
You may have noticed that I’m posting and commenting less lately. I still love blogging - I love it for the freedom it gives me to be creative. For the fact that there is no fear of rejection; I’m the only one who gets to choose when to hit “publish”. For all the amazing people I have met because of it. Because it has brought me closer to people in my real life - my grandmother telling me that it makes her day; my sister calling to berate me for not posting; Jay’s aunt telling me that she reads the posts aloud to her husband.
It is easy to get addicted to the instant gratification of this medium. To believe the compliments that people feed you in the comments. To not have to wait months to see your work in print - if at all. I’m not going to quit blogging - it has become too important to me. But I know that it is all too easy to let it take over every spare moment of your life - to turn it into a crutch. To tell yourself that somehow it matters if you comment on everyone else’s blogs just to return the favor. And I certainly don’t want to be an ass, but at some point I decided that a lot of what I was doing around here was for other people. I’m not here to live my life for other people - I’m here to live it for me. So I’ve stepped back and examined what other things are important for me to accomplish and given them a space to breathe too. And if that means fewer readers or fewer comments, I’m okay with that. I still would have done what I set out to do in this space - free of obligation to something that is supposed to be a hobby, not a soul-sucking, all-life encompassing obligation (that’s what children are for.)
So yesterday, when my God of a husband (hi Jay!) told me he was taking the baby out shopping so I could have 4 hours to myself (the other kid was spending the weekend at Jay’s aunt and uncle’s - hi guys, you are lifesavers!), I didn’t meander around the internet. I tried to keep my end goal in mind (how sad would it be if all my tombstone said was “Master of the Internet”?) I sat and wrote an essay, not moving for the entire 4 hours. I’d forgotten how exciting the challenge of polishing a piece was. I was light-headed when I stood up; I had forgotten to eat (that tells you exactly how hypnotized I was by the work).
So, in a few days I’m going to send the piece in for publication. It may get rejected, but I’m alright with that. At least I took a small step towards doing something that I’m proud of. And I’ll do it again.
Awesome. Keep following your dreams, even if you do comment/post less (except on April 3rd, right…RIGHT??). I agree totally with what you’re saying here. The more I blog, the less I write poetry or think of short stories. Lately I find that I’m planning my posts around themes that are picked by other people, and that’s not why I started my blog. Thanks for the reminder (although writing one thematic post on one day…april3april3april3…does not count, I totally mean like, weekly themes).
That’s awesome! I’m so proud of you! Your blog is so well written that I’m sure you’ll succeed at whatever else you chose to write. Just don’t go too far away because you’re one of my favorites and I’ll miss you. But I really do wish you nothing but success.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot, too, and how so much of what I write on the blog could be so much better if I wasn’t so consumed by the other aspects of the media. You’ll notice that I’ve been scarce, too, and posting a lot less.
Good for you, Andi. When it your words meet paper, please let us know. I’ll want to read whatever you have to say, no matter where you say it.
Good for you! I hope you keep at it - you have talent that should be used beyond the world here online. But don’t leave us….we’d miss you too much.
So many things to say…
1. Awesome, awesome, awesome that you wrote! Awesome!
2. Bravo on not living life for others in respect to commenting…I was kinda trying to get at that in my post, but skirted the issue. Thank you for saying it.
3. Your Jay really needs to talk to mine and tell him to get a clue.
4. I must put away my crutches, too.
Spot on. Bravo.
This post brought me to tears.
Because I know the feeling so well.
Because my personal goals are so similar.
Because I’m so very proud of you.
And I wish I could read the essay.
I will cross fingers and toes that it gets the publication it deserves.
[...] also at a crossroads with this whole blogging thing, much like my friend Andi. I can say with complete assurance that my current paid gig is an outgrowth of [...]
You Go Girl! Decision applauded!
Brava. I understand all of this. Good luck with your essay. My fingers are crossed for you.
Way to go GIRL! I too look forward to seeing your words elsewhere too. I have used the internets as a crutch and hope to change what blogging it to me. A recent forced leave (due to family illness) made me realize I CAN survive without reading and commenting on everyone’s site.
Looking forward to more from you!
Did your Grandma really just write “you go girl”? If so, that rocks!!
I understand what you mean about blogging becoming a neverending circle of reading and commenting. I’ve gotten angry before that the writing alone doesn’t guarantee an audience.
Thanks for inspiring me with your focus. Now if I could just figure out what it is I want to do when I grow up…
We’re all proud of you, too!
I think that a lot of us burst onto this blogging stage at around the same time. It was new to us, and as you say, the instant gratification and feedback was hypnotic and addicting for many of us. Then as with every ‘fad’ the shininess wore off and it becomes something akin to a chore and many of us have lost pace and that is fine I think. I still love reading blogs, and I love the feedback I get on mine - but I no longer spend any length of time thinking ‘what am I going to blog about next’ - instead, I find things that I feel like sharing, or find myself needing support and I’ll post - and as always - there are people willing to share their experience, and offer support where needed and I still love that about blogging.
Keep us posted on your writing adventures!
Good on you! I’m glad that you’re taking the time to do something for you. I’m a firm believer in being selfish and put oneself first whenever possible. I imagine with a couple of kidlets that oppurtunity doesn’t come around for you very often. Enjoy it!
Wow. Browsing. Came to your blog and was amazed at how you hit the nail on the head. I have been blogging for a short while. It began as an attempt to free my writing spirit and shake off the critics who keep me from sharing. But quickly the blogging world I entered took over and I am consumed with reading and commenting and no longer writing BUT for the blog! I hear what you (and the other commenters) are saying and I, too, and going to try to keep my original goals clear. Thanks!
Good for you! It’s not easy to start something that you’ve put off for a while. And I know how easy it is to put things off.
Can’t wait to see your name in print!
Wow. I’m awestruck and jealous and happy. Good luck!
Could you please give me (your favorite Auntie, sorry Kips) a hint as to what you wrote about?? Please Anya, please!Your secret’s safe with me. You could say you needed me to spell check it or something… Can’t wait , you free spirited, clever girl mommy.
Good for you, Andi! So happy for you! Please let us know if you get published!
Oh amen sista!
I’ve soooo been feeling this lately. I’m very, I dunno, blogged-out. I’m tired of racking my brain for some witty thing to write about on the blog. Then the time spent reading other blogs. Sigh
I’ve been cutting back too and secretly want to cut back even more.
Great writing andi! Now I don’t feel so alone.
And kudos on the essay. I hope I get to read it when it’s published!
I’ve been feeling exactly the same way lately. I too have always harbored that “author” dream, and I told myself blogging was enough of an outlet. But frankly it can get boring, and soul-sucking (must refresh Google reader! must comment on everyone’s new post!) and trite, because at a certain point what else is there to say about the frustrations and joys of parenthood that everyone else out there hasn’t already said?
I applaud your decision and hope to use it for motivation!
Makes sense. There’s only so many hours in a day. Good luck with your piece. And make sure to publish it back here so we can all read it too
Good for you–good for you!! You are a fabulous writer.
I am at a crossroads myself. I know exactly what you mean.
Good for you! Good luck!
That is awesome Andi. I think it is so awesome for those who write, I don’t have that type of creativity. I can blog (I think) but to sit down and write something original, I just can’t. I love reading though. I will read your blog, your books, essays, whatever…..you really ’speak’ to me and I would love to read more of you somewhere else and less of you here if that is what you could do! (I know I make so much sense…clear as mud…right?)
I have been trying to say this all day….
Landscapers, workmen, and a crying baby got in my way….but in my head there was you….all day. What would I say to Andi? Who always moves me and whose words mean so much to me.
Then it hit me.
Thank you.
On the page or on the monitor your words will always have the power to move people. I believe that is because they move you. I am so happy to know you are writing for yourself and no one else!
I know exactly what that feels like. TOTALLY proud of you for following the big dream.
I really like your blog, but I’m sure you will still be around to enjoy and say hi to!
This is the most inspirational thing I’ve read in a loooong time. Good for you. Print this out and tape it to your fridge so you don’t forget. You’re worth it.
I definitely did not realize how hugely time consuming blogging can become. It can very quickly take over your life and I have also had to step back a little and I haven’t even been doing it that long!
I think you’ve made a great decision. Go follow your real dream.
Keep following that dream. You are such a talented writer, I love reading your posts. Please let me know when you are published, which I am sure you will be, I would love to see more of your work. Good Luck!!
Congratulations on the essay. I’m sure it’s fabulous. I always enjoy your writing here.
Yeah for you! I’ve been struggling with this same issue for a while now, which has prompted me to apply to grad school to complete my dream of becoming a teacher. I don’t know if I’ll get accepted, but at least I’m taking the chance. And if it doesn’t work out> I’m determined to pursue other dreams.
Best of luck!
Congratulations on successfully completely that essay. I too understand how blogging can turn into something that you’re doing for others. It’s like searching for that sense of belonging begins to take over our lives outside the computer.
I’ve missed seeing you around, but so happy that you’re do something for YOU!
To my Foo,
You know that I have always believed you should be published. You are a brilliant writer and I will be the first person in line to purchase your first published book (because I know one day it is going to happen!) Good luck to you, my beautiful sister, and I hope one day you truly and fully realize your dream.
You go, Andi! Good for you. I’ve got my fingers crossed for you.
GOOD FOR YOU!!! I have no doubt you’ll find a home for your piece.
It seems I’ve been reading a lot lately around the blogosphere how people are wanting to start realizing their dream of writing - I would love to form a writing consortium/support group/critique circle/job ideas blog….or something.
So many of us are great writers and yet it seems hardly anyone branches out past their blog…I used to do a lot more freelancing before the book, and I would always be willing to share any tips I have…email anytime.
[...] to all of you for your kind words on my last post. The support of the community I accidentally fell into by starting this blog always surprises me. [...]
WOOT!
I fall in and out of love with blogging bi-weekly. The words you write are the words I wish I could write almost every single time. Minus the polishing a piece being exciting.
That’s so not me.
Keep it up sister.
What a great post!
I’m proud of you!
I think this applies to so many of us here. But I’m glad you are taking some steps to break free and step out. Clearly, you have the talent, and I say that not as a fawning commenter but honestly and sincerely. You are poignant and funny, classy and crude and I love every word.
Now, as soon as I register for a summer class, I’ll get back to you so I can report I’ve done the same and stepped out as well!
I feel lucky to have found a way to balance blogging with questing. I’ve seen your name in so many readers, you are clearly beloved by many in the blogging community. I agree about the immediacy of certain things like gratification and feedback, but it does also push, conditioning you to write frequently. Good luck as you channel that dedication to this (re)new(ed) endeavor.
[...] 6, 2008 by Andi You asked to be updated about my piece I submitted for publication, so here it is - my collection of rejection letters has begun. The [...]