Elliot appears to have reached adolescence. At the age of three. I wish I could brag about how advanced she is for her age, but this is one area where I really hoped she’d be a slow learner.
There is much evidence that Elliot has become possessed by the demon known as Teenage Angst:
Oy, the boredom
Her new favorite phrase is, “This is boring.” How can someone who essentially lives in a toy store/bookstore/24-hour cafe with two adult play-monkeys and a baby monkey ever be bored? A twist on the boring theme is – “It’s boring without ____.” (Insert favorite family member of the moment here – but never “mommy” for I am Queen of the Mundane.)
She wants to ditch her parents
I’m not sure if she’s embarrassed by us (and let’s be honest, who wouldn’t be?) or if it’s our boring qualities that offend her. She’s spent the last 2 weekends at her Great-Auntie Brenda’s house (methinks it’s her newly pimped-out bedroom there and the fact that she got to eat chocolate for breakfast on Easter). This past Saturday we picked her up from there to go to my cousin’s piano recital. She sounded disappointed that Jay and I were going to be there. She thought she and Arlo were going to hang with Grandma and Grandpa and a handful of relatives without us cramping her style. And after the recital, she asked to return to her aunt’s house to continue her sleepover-marathon.
She’s a traitor
Elliot totally sold me out. When Jay’s uncle brought the mop out on the weekend, she asked him what it was and what it was for. He laughed and assured her that she must have a mop at her house. She was insistent that she had never seen one of those wacky contraptions before. Now, I know I’ll never win any housecleaning awards, but c’mon, I do own a mop!
Bi-polar to the max and death threats (?)
One minute she’s mad at her parents. The next, she’s pledging her ever-lasting love to us in a song. Oh, and on Easter her beloved Auntie Brenda told her she couldn’t have any more chocolate because, “If you have any more chocolate your mother’s going to shoot me!” Elliot was super-pissed, because no one, not even family members that she normally worships, stands in the way of her and her chocolate master. So, she shouted back, “I hope she does shoot you!” Oh. My. God. I’m so proud.
Queen of Dramaville
Elliot chose not to eat a thing for Easter dinner, then told me she was hungry an hour later. I told her dinner was over and she had had her chance to eat. Well, the proverbial shit hit the fan. There was flailing of limbs. There was – “I’m going to my room!” and “I’m mad to you!” and “It’s not fair – you made me cry!” Then she ran to her room and put on a crying show worthy of an Oscar. When she realized she was being ignored by all the extended family (aka captive audience) in the living room, she’d silently sneak down the hall, peek around the corner, and begin to fake cry. Then she’d storm back down the hall, slam her door, and bawl at the top of her lungs. She did this repeatedly until I was suitably mortified. I mean, I don’t mop my floors EVER and I brought this beast into being – what kind of person am I? We decided to flee the scene in hopes that her behavior could be blamed on the deadly combo of chocolate, over-excitement, and exhaustion.
On the bright side
There are, of course, a couple of things she still does that make me believe she’s only three. Like when she lets her sweet side shine through. Or when she affectionately sings her version of “You are my sunshine” to her auntie. Maybe you know it? It goes, “You are my butt crack…” You know you have a special place in someone’s heart when they consider you their only butt crack.
Well, that is endearing. I’ve been singing it all wrong.
Oh I know–we have a couple teens in our house–a 7 (teen) and a 4 (teen) as well and boy, I’m dreading the REAL teen years!
Well if it helps you to know, we have the same issues in this house – exactly the same.
Except for the mop – Miss E knows what it’s for, and better yet – she can use it – so that’s been your mistake – train Elliot to use it and she’ll never be bored again
I’ll be teaching my boys that new song. They’ll love it!
Does she do karaoke? Maybe she’s found her calling in life
Ah the joys of childhood angst! In the future I see her as the self appointed Grade One Teacher Aide. Teachers need more Elliots in their classrooms.
This is SO funny! Oh the ways the universe prepares us for the dreaded (and rightfully so) teen years.
I love the song!
Both my girls exhibit all these signs too, but Freya has also discovered the art of playing her parents off of each other: I love you best Mommy, can I have some more chocolate?
i’ll see your 3-year-old teenager and raise you a 2-year-old one and a 7-year-old one
If she’s into older men, I’ve got her perfect complement in the form of a teenage 4.5 year old.
He’s into the whole don’t eat dinner than be hungry act too. And his tantrums also now feature the “you’re being mean to me” act as well.
Ah.
Well, apparently the threes are the new teens because my 3 1/2 year old son seems the perfect complement to your daughter. I was just saying to a friend yesterday that he seems to have metamorphized into a teenager overnight. It is not pretty.
Oh my barely controllable laughter with snorts mixed in while sitting in my cubicle at work. I almost held it together until the buttcrack at the end.
If this is three, what is 10 really going to be like? You certainly have your hands full!
Allie has reached the ‘boring’ stage too. Everything is way to “borins” for her. She also has unreal mood changes, and while she hasn’t thrown out any death threats, she told me to “eat shit” yesterday. I’m ready to throw in the towel on this parenting thing. Why are three year olds so drama? And what kind of posts will we have about these girls when they are in middle school?
THIS is why I was afraid to have a daughter.
*shudders*
Here too…
I have had the ‘I don’t love you’ too and the tantrums.
All this angst!
Oh boy. I can’t wait for three. I’m having enough trouble with two. (And she’s not even two for another few weeks.) Oy!
I’m glad you can find the humor in it, though. ‘Cause it does sound funny. Especially the drama queen act.
Let’s get her and Parker together and they can talk about butts all the live long day.
Love it! Great post. We’re for sure entering the pre-adolescent stuff with our 2-year-old as well. The latest thing is, he won’t eat a piece of toast that’s been cut in half, since “IT’S BLOKEN!”
‘I hope she does shoot you’
That is oh so cheeky. If I had that spewed at me by Missy Elliot, I would have the hardest time not laughing my own butt crack off.
duh! posted my first name, which is ok, but i wanted to give you a BabyShrink shout-out!
thanks and aloha,
heather, the BabyShrink
That girl of yours is awesome, what a character. (I mean that in a good way)
“I hope she DOES shoot you!” Ah, that’s good stuff.
OH-MY_GAWD! You are raising my 8 year old’s “twin”! Add a hateful, “I HATE YOU!!! YOU ARE THE WORST PARENT IN THE WORLD!!!!!!” and you have her! Good Luck, I have given up hope on having a sweet child!
Ha ha ha – I have her twin. The “boring” thing slays me.
She sounds JUST like my 6 year old!
Has she joined the bershon pool?
http://www.flickr.com/groups/bershon/pool/
I’m starting to see it in our family photos. Oh, yeah. And the eye roll.
Oh dear, I do believe all the toddlers are talking when we aren’t paying attention because US TOO! Just this week we’ve been dealing with a monster. Ugh.
what is it with the boredom? pooka uses that excuse alllll the time.
her behavior has been pretty rocky lately, and during a calm moment i asked her why she was not being good as she knew she should. she responded that being good is boring.
i am in so much trouble.
My 6 year old daughter was/is the same way. She started at 3 and it has kept on going. The drama is annoying, but the independance is great. We joke that the only thing our daughter needs us for is to drive her around. She can do everything else herself — and she does it well.
Yup, sounds like a three year old.
Currently, my daughters favorite response to any and all requests is “Oh, brother” in the heavy, sarcastic voice of Charlie Brown.
Us mothers of girls are in deep doo-doo, I think. The V-meister, too, has Early Teen Onset Syndrome. In addition to all of the behaviors you mentioned, she has also taken to correcting my grammar and word pronunciation, except that SHE’S WRONG, and it makes me want to pick a fight with a four year old.
Oh, and your description of Eliot lurking in the hallway to fake cry after realizing no one is paying attention to her hysterics? That was so dead-on!
{sarcasm} I can’t wait till my twins turn 3! {/sarcasm}
ROFL, Butt Crack!!!! I am going to be singing that all night now!