Thanks for your entertaining and also terrifying childhood injury stories. Clearly, I’m in for a fun ride.
In case you missed it (my mom couldn’t contain herself and blabbed in the comments), here is the story of Arlo’s injury:
I was at my mom’s drinking wine (shocking, I know). I had finished the glass and put it far back on a side table, beyond the reaches of a small boy. I didn’t give it a second thought. About a half an hour later, Arlo got up onto his knees and used his Inspector Gadget-like powers to make his arm stretch longer than it should logically be able to stretch. I was still confident that the glass was out of his reach. Then, too late, I noticed that I’d carelessly placed the glass atop a magazine. A magazine that was also, technically, out of reach. But it was shiny. And Arlo is all about the Shiny Quest. He pulled on the magazine. I cried out in that odd slow-motion voice you get when you foresee disaster, but are unable to stop it, “Nooooooooooo!” The magazine came down. The wine glass followed, hitting my baby squarely on the forehead and shattering.
Thank god for reflexes, because Arlo must have shut his eyes while shards of glass danced toward them. How insane would that have been – if that one small choice I made, robbed him of his sight forever? I scooped him up in disbelief. A sinister dark red drop ran down his face. Happily, it was wine and not blood as I first suspected. I then carefully wiped the sharp, sparkly dust from his nose and underneath his eyes. So much glass. So close to his little eyes.
You think I would have learned my lesson, but do you want to know something funny? The very same day that I wrote that last post, I was tidying the living room (no seriously, I was!) and Arlo was wandering around as usual. I was so sure that the house was baby-proofed. No tempting, small bits were on the floor just begging to be swallowed. The baby-gate at the top of the porch stairs was in place. Ah, but here’s the funny thing about baby gates – they don’t actually work unless you close them.
Luckily for me, Arlo made his characteristic I’m-delighted-that-I’m-smarter-than-mommy-thinks-I-am-and-am-doing-something evil squeal. I ran toward his giddy call. I found him on the bottom porch step. Sitting upright and looking terribly proud of himself. I’d always assumed he’d dive head-first off those stairs if given the chance. I placed him at the top of the two steps, asking him to show me his little trick. With my arms outstretched toward him to prevent a fall, my kid proceeded to daintily inch his way to the edge of each step and bum his way down.
So, I did what I think many mothers do when they realize their child is hell-bent on giving them a heart-attack: I threw a little What-If Party in my head. What if he’d leaned forward just a bit too far and fell head-first onto the ceramic tile? Or even more frightening – what if, his confidence bolstered by making it down the porch steps, he turned his attention toward the staircase directly to his left. A steep, long staircase leading into a concrete-floored basement.
When the party got too rowdy, I shut it down. I gently reminded myself that there are no do-overs. I promised to be more vigilant about double-checking the gate. And I laughed at my silly kid. Doing anything else in such moments will only drive me unnecessarily crazy. And the kids are doing a bang-up job of that already, without my assistance.
Oh the scary things kids do to us that cause gray hairs!
I hope your mom reads this next part…
Once when Parker was over one but less than two, we were visiting Grandmas, who has a two story house. Daddy was suppose to be watching parker upstairs while I was in the den downstairs. Suddenly I heard Wally yell Parker! Parker! Parker! and then clunk thump clunk as Parker start falling down the entire flight of stairs. I literally shoved my mom to the floor…I knocked her down!…to get to Parker. Ack! So hey, at least you didn’t push good ol’ mom down! Parker was fine by the way, but hey, maybe that’s why he cusses too. Still Wally’s fault though.
OH … the short trip to insanity-ville. I’m familiar.
Arlo – give your mom a break – she’s not getting any younger and I’m sure these antics are taking years off her life!
It is so tough when they get this active and brave! But try not to feel too bad. My son, now a healthy 4.5-year-old, fell down our stairs TWICE. Once at about 7 months — surfed down on his belly all the way with hardly a scratch (I, however, was a terrible mess). And later at 1.5-years when I accidentally let the new puppy on the stairs while he was climbing. My husband and I both witnessed him literally go head-over-heels down half the stair case. That one was a little more bumpy, but again we lucked out and he was fine.
Arlo, try watching some TV or chewing on some blocks for a bit to give ole Mom a break!
Welcome to the ranks! My kid falling out of his highchair was my induction.
I am SO not looking forward to this! So far Adelay has been remarkably accident-free, but Eli seems far more bouncy and inclined to be wild and reckless (already he will dive head first off my lap when he decides he’s done with the breast,) so I fear it’s only a matter of time before I have stories of my own like this.
Good job! Kid getting beaned with a wine glass is right up there. Switch to drinking out of sippy cups.
Oh those what-if moments are brutal. I watched in slow motion as my five year-old took a header off of the deck last summer–his head hitting a rock.
Lucky for him he inherited my–I mean my husband’s–hard head so it was just a little blood and mommy freaking out.
Oi, vey! I host a lot of those “what if” parties myself, and they can get out of hand very quickly.
Once, when the V-meister was a baby, I extracted a half-dead bee out of her mouth. By some miracle, she didn’t get stung, but, gah! I’ve had similar moments with the baby gate, too.
It seems, though, that no matter how accident prone, children, for the most part, seem to be hard-wired for survival. And that is a very good thing!
What doesn’t kill you (or your offspring) can only make you stronger. (At least that’s what I tell myself in the middle of the night.)
oh i am sooo not looking froward to these days!! the bean is only five months old and i already play those silly what if games!! we have a long way to go!!
glad the little man is ok
Ha! I wasn’t expecting a wine glass to be involved.
I can’t even do the what-if’s. If I start I can’t stop and then I don’t get any sleep at night. My kids already keep me up at night with the stuff they actually do.
I often have those what if parties in my head and out loud to hubby when the boy goes out for the night. Weekends…. no longer a worry free zone. I miss them. Gray hairs, got em. I wish you luck, little one is at a wondrful stressful age!
Arlo’s dad didn’t have baby gates to play with but had the the weird flyingsaucer shape walker to scoot around the rooms in. The damn thing kept tipping over and launching him into furniture and some of it was corners of tables. It was like something out of a SciFi!
Okay…very scary, but also a little funny. Much better than the story I devised.
I think we all have our initiation stories. Yours was a good one, though. Excellent, actually, since it had a happy ending.
Sometimes it feels like we start all over again every day with the learning process! Ugh.
The What-Ifs keep me up at night.
I’m surprised we haven’t had our own wine glass incident, being that we’re total winos.
Can’t wait to clink glasses with you at BlogHer.
And so glad to hear Arlo survived his little topples.
What a champ!
You are going to BlogHer, right?
No way! Amazing how those little arms can stretch, isn’t it?
hmmm if not for the shards of glass would this be a reason to lick a baby?
Just wondering…
I am glad he is ok, how bizarre!
Heh. I did catch the comment from your mom, but the whole story is better! I was so terrible about childproofing. I don’t think I’d use the word careless, but I can’t think of a better word for it either. Trusting, maybe?