Since the baby has been spending the last 10 months sponging off of his parents, I’ve decided that he needs to start pulling his own weight around here. He has impressive talents in the following areas and I’m totally considering hiring him out:
1. Bathroom attendant – He provides exemplary service above and beyond passing you a towel. (Well, he actually throws it onto the floor and he’ll pre-chew your toilet paper, too.) But never mind that, let’s focus on the positives, shall we? After you are finished, ahem, your business, he will give you a hearty round of applause. Then he’ll flush the toilet for you, thoughtfully flushing at least 5 times so no embarrassing evidence of your bathroom duty remains. Just be sure to tip him (I hear crackers are his currency of choice) or he’ll lick the toilet seat when you’re not looking.
2. Stunt double – Is anyone making a remake of Godzilla? Or any movie that involves anyone nose-diving off of couches? I’ve got your man right here.
3. Floor polisher – Who knew a baby’s butt had uses beyond producing gag-inducing substances and being used as part of the sentence “as soft as a…”? Witness the floor cleaning power that is sure to wear a hole in his pants. (So, this is where there would be a video from either Flickr or YouTube if either site would cooperate with me. I’ll try to put it up later and then you can be treated to viewing Arlo butt-scootching across the floor and listen to my grating, high-pitched baby-talk in the background.)
4. Tiny recycling depot – Too many magazines cluttering up your house? Arlo will make short work of them. I know, technically he doesn’t turn them into any post-recycled materials that you’d actually want to re-use, but at least your place will be tidy.
For an extra fee, he handles unwanted electrical equipment as well. Mmm, after the delicious magazine main course, nothing says dessert like wiring.
5. Babysitter – Arlo loves babies. Regretfully, I can’t guarantee that he won’t try to eat your child’s face. Though, I will assure you that with only 3 teeth it’s doubtful he will do much damage.
6. Punk rock party entertainment – Need a band for your next party? Okay, so he can’t play any instruments, but his hair looks the part. Keep a close eye on him, though – he often gets out of hand and can’t remember anything that happened the morning after.
7. Stress ball – Just look at him. Squeezing him and getting hugs, kisses, and smiles in return is enough to melt away your worries. Everyday I resist the temptation to just eat him up, but all that sugar would surely be bad for my muffin top.
Adorable. And I understand the need to want to eat them.
Maybe Stinky and Arlo could make a band together – my Stink has a good mullet going on and he could totally rock a faux-hawk.
Oh this is adorable! A stress ball – what a perfect way to describe a baby. And look at him!!! And that punk rock hair just kills me! Ahhhh – so sweet.
Please stop! Your photos of your gorgeous son are doing nothing to stop the inner turmoil I have about having another child! Gah!
Oh, and don’t you just love that post-bath hair? Uh, I can almost smell it from here. He is toooooooo cute.
He is gorgeous – a wee honey!
Loved this post.
Anya, he’s got your big toe! He’s so yummy, I had a taste of him the other day.
He is more than cute!
He is scrumptuous. I love those fat hands!
He’s beautiful, I can’t believe how big he is!
What a doll! I want to naw on his chubby cheeks! He sounds like quite the character too. Sofa diving, wiring eating, toilet licker! He keeps you on your toes, doesn’t he?
He is so darned cute! I love that age.
The picture of Arlo and the babydoll is quite priceless. I love it.
Oh, my ovaries!! Stop. You must stop.
Baby stress balls. Yum.
He looks yummy! Definitely a great stress ball.
Oh, and “bathroom duty” made me laugh. It just sounds funny.
I heartily agree with what everyone else has said–he’s so adorable I just want to scoop him up and, as my MIL might say, squeeze the stuffing out of him!
SWOON!! He takes my breath away! (He looks so much like Elliot!) Should we arrange his and Riley’s marriage now? Pot Luck maybe? It will certainly save on catering…
He is so adorable.
He’s gotten so big!
And it always amazes me what kids are willing to put in their mouth.
How much are you charging? My floors are a mess and I have lots of pesky electrical cords that need prompt attention!
He has so much hair! Such a cutie!
What a cutie-pa-tootie! He looks a lot like his big sis although I fail to see the resemblance with you and Jason …. Is there a milkman in your area?
I used to use mine like a stress ball but the shrieking and squeaking was too intense.
You make adorable babies. Can I attach a Swiffer to each hand and use him for some light dusting?
Hee, I’m going to add “baby stress ball” to my permanent vocabulary. Awesome term. Also, awesome pictures. Monch, monch!
Hi Andi – he is soooo cute! I love the punk hair pic. Kids are also handy at cleaning out cupboards ….. pity they don’t know about putting things back though!
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If you’re renting him out, I sure could use some of those services. Somebody that will lick my toilet sounds especially worthwhile!
Sacha kept signing baby the whole time I was reading this post. He then pointed to my belly. Sadly, Baby Arlo is not in my tummy. He may be disappointed in a few weeks
He is looking so much like Eliot – especially that first picture!