After I finished moping around about being trapped inside my house with two wee television zombies who continually threatened to eat my brains, I decided to try my hand at being a proper mother. You know, make lemonade and all that crap. Only it’s difficult to make lemonade when all you have is metaphorical lemons, so we made an Easy Bake Oven cake instead. The nanosecond it remained whole was not long enough for me to take a proper picture of it. Witness Elliot devouring it in a most unconventional fashion:
Who needs utensils? I’m all about cutting out the middle man.
Since channeling my inner Martha Stewart was going so swimmingly, we attempted a few crafts. Courtesy of Kids Craft Weekly and my child’s short attention span, is an unfinished alphabet craft (or as I like to think of it, a gateway into the art of ransom notes):
And here is a wacky, somewhat frightening bird inspired by one made by the fabulous Mr. Maker:
After a few hours of wholesome fun (which conveniently took place during the time-slot of Yo Gabba Gabba! so I did not have the living shit scared out of me by that drug-fueled mess of a program) mama needed a break. I retired to the sweet world of the Interweb while Elliot made her own fun by setting up shop in the bathroom. She managed to make a tsunami-sized mess by washing everything she could get her hands on in the bathtub and sink. She asked me to knock on the door and I was greeted like this: “Welcome to my super-duper home. Would you like to stay for a visit? Let me introduce you to my new couch.”
When she tired of playing the happy homemaker, Elliot shed her clothes and ran around the house dancing and speaking in tongues. My lovely husband, sensing my stir-crazy, murderous rage-inducing houseboundness, suggested that we go out for dinner.
As I’m sure you’ve probably already predicted, it was a lovely thought, but not quite as relaxing as we anticipated. The children were, well, children. Elliot became obsessed with the men’s bathroom and kept coming up with excuses to wash her hands so that she could hop off the urinal edge (how this worked logistically, I’m unsure, as only her dad witnessed it and I pretended to not hear him tell me that he allowed our child to use the washroom as a playground). And Arlo insisted on squealing with ear-piercing delight at the ceiling fans while we placated him with crackers so we didn’t get kicked out before our food arrived.
Fast forward to yesterday, where me and all the other desperate preschool parents, braved blizzard-like conditions to rid ourselves of our offspring for a few hours. I lost count of the number of times I almost got stuck or did a 360 in the middle of the road trying to plow drifts in my wee car on the 5 minute drive there.
Returning home, my creativity and penchant for activity coordination abandoned me, so we baked. Again. Cookies this time – in the real oven. Elliot couldn’t wait for the sugar crack to reach her system, so she absconded with the bowl of remaining batter and retired to the couch.
We also trained Arlo for his future as a convenience store clerk.
Thank you! Come again!
Today the snow is melting and I feel the promise of spring, along with my sanity, returning.
I have some really great kid-craft books, I’ll try to remember to bring them on Monday…
The bird is awesome. And Arlo the Quik-e-mart clerk? Genius.
I like the alphabet thing – good idea!
I always run out of ideas by about 3pm. Then insanity begins…
I am so glad that you blog – you make me LAUGH!
I have only *just* told someone about that kids craft weekly project – we plan on doing it here soon, too – I thought it was a great and easy little project (and not too messy because goodness knows there is enough mess in this house that hasn’t been cleaned yet!)
Miss E has that cash register, too – it’s full of Euros and Sterling coins at this stage – better go gather them up to fill the coffers before our trip home next month!
Love the ransom note!
If for some reason his future as a clerk fails please keep in mind that air conditioning repair men make a great living!
Oh and I love that bird!
That is some seriously impressive craftiness, woman. When we are housebound we 1) watch TV 2) play games on PBS.org, 3) build forts and 4) color.
“…gateway into the art of ransom notes…”
bwhahahahahaaha!!!
OMG. Crafting AND Baking????
I cannot compete.
Well done to you … I really am impressed with your crafting abilities. I must admit to not really participating in such things when my son was small but boys tend to be very happy if you just throw a ball. So my contribution used to be sitting on the lawn chucking the ball to him all over the garden – had to give him exercise – and insisting that he bring it back to me, so that I didn’t have to move.
Your children are beautiful!
http://www.coffeebreak.iblog.co.za
Why does the picture of Eliot and the alphabet remind me a little of A Clockwork Orange?
I’m glad your sanity is returning to you, mine slammed the door on its way out last night and left me and my cramps to pick up the pieces. I’m expecting to meet it sometime this evening when I am escaping the house for a whole three days child-free! Did I mention that? I’m a little excited.
Here’s to melting snow and sugar highs!
Given all the craziness, I’m surprised you seemed as sane as you did last night.
Note to self: must invest in crafty goodness as means to entertain offspring.
Note to self, redux: baking cookies isn’t always as innocent as it appears.
You craft and bake with your kids? On the same day? You’re good.
You don’t watch Yo Gabba Gabba? You’re missing out on some real fun there. The show features several characters that look like sex toys. There’s this one tall, white one that looks exactly like an unrolled condom. Wait. This probably isn’t convincing you to watch is it?
That is how I eat cake too.
I actually begged my husband for an easy bake oven the other day. He told me I didn’t bake as it was so why should I get a toy oven. Hrmph.
Well, now that you have officially made me look like a bad mommy, I guess I will have to go and buy, I mean, bake some cookies.
Great bird!
Andi,
Thanks for popping by my own wee little site. As a fellow Edmonton (and area) blogger, it’s uber-swell to meet someone else who deals with an alarmingly similar domestic situation. Granted, I don’t have a vagina (and that makes a BIG difference, I know!), but our kids are close in age, and I’m sure the relative levels of cabin fever in our respective homes are both close to boiling over.
Sweet Christ! when will winter release its tenacious grip, the bitch!
Hugs and kisses,
Simon
Wow, you, like, did some REAL parenting here! Nice work.
Elliot is truly a genius to cut out the middle man and just eat the cake directly with her mouth.
You’re making me feel all inferior with your crafty skills. I have got to make one of those freaky birds. What’s wrong with me?
the abcd t-shirt! love!
Arlo looks so grown up in his picture. And I’m pressed with your Martha Stewart-ness.
now THAT’S how you eat cake.
Shouldn’t Arlo’s caption be “Would you like fries with that?”
I feel your pain. Being “stuck” anywhere blows. I thought I would go nuts while on hospitalized bed rest during my pregnancy w/the twins. And the worst was when people came to visit and said “that is so cool that you get to stay in bed all day”. Uh yeah, not when it’s forced upon you.
Ok a little off subject (ok maybe a lot) but anyhoo, I get what you’re saying.
and you get mad propz on the super mommy’ing skills!
Good for you, baking and crafting! I let Addy paint or color, and after about half an hour I am LONGING for the tv to save me. But I have been taking her to the playground just about every day lately, and that helps tons. So here’s hoping your spring is just around the corner!
We’ve been home all day today but it feels like we’re on our fourth week inside!
Those photos are so cute. I love the ABCD shirt. I want one.
I stop at baking. But given that I would have shot myself at SNOW IN APRIL, I wouldn’t have to worry about baking.
Aw, so sorry you’ve been snowed in.. we just got ice and cold here.
Love the “ransom note” craft… heh, heh!
Hope you’re thawing out now.
He he he, love the ABCD shirt, we had one for Ikey when he was wee
lol thats funny my kid likes yo gabba gabba too i think its a lil weird