Here’s the score: Mommy Brain: 1 million; Me: A big fat zero
It’s possible that I may be a tad absentminded. That I may have so much crammed into my tiny brain that sometimes things get pushed out.
Yesterday, I was laughing at myself because Jason had to remind me to take my coffee out to the car. Then he had to remind me to take it out of the car. Then I forgot it in the kitchen at work. I’m always misplacing things and forgetting words in the middle of sentences. Jason calls it my “early onset dementia” and just keeps shaking his head in my general direction.
Which makes it all the more puzzling why he thought it might be a good idea to hide our laptop in the oven. (You know how this ends, don’t you?) After a few break-ins in our area and Jason fearing that we could be next, he thought we should hide the laptop during the day. Of course, it’s a trifle inconvenient to walk it up to the second floor or down into the basement. So what’s a convenient place that no one would ever think to look for a laptop? Why, the oven, of course.
When he first mentioned this idea to me, I told him it probably wasn’t so great to put my baby, I mean, a valuable piece of electronics, inside of something that can generate enough heat to destroy it. Especially when I’m the only one in the house who uses the oven. And when I turn on the oven, I do it like I do many things - on auto-pilot, while I entertain myself with the million thoughts dancing in my head. I don’t think about it. I don’t think, “Gee, let’s see if there’s a bloody laptop in the freaking oven.”
Jason thought my objections were a bit crazy. I mean, how could anyone forget something so important? He would never forget such a thing. So, after one close call of me turning on the oven and then quickly remembering that the laptop was in there, I was convinced I could do this. That I could play the role of the sane person who didn’t possess the mind of an 80 year-old Alzheimer’s patient. To be honest, I was getting frustrated with the state of my forgetfulness, and was embarrassed to admit that I might forget the laptop again.
After work yesterday, we galloped through the door. I turned the oven on to make pizza because I was going out soon after dinner. Arlo was a grumpy beast because of lack of sleep and a runny nose. I was trying to entertain him by singing, “If you’re happy and you know it” and alternately saving him from his sister’s suffocating bear hugs. I was preoccupied with work thoughts. And getting-ready-for-the-next-day thoughts. I was plotting my revenge on Laundry. I was planning what flavor ice-cream I would eat on my outing. And generally, as with most things, I’d let my auto-pilot take over and I wasn’t paying attention to much of anything.
It was while me and the kids were shouting, “Hooray!” that I noticed it. A burning plastic smell. It was the smell of my mouse melting at 260 degrees. FUCK. I froze. I panicked. Jay looked at me in disbelief. I pulled the plasticky corpse from the belly of the oven. I freaked.
It wasn’t so much that I destroyed my beloved laptop (although I was all weepy that I may have lost many of the kids’ photographs) it was more that I was frustrated that my brain failed to cooperate at such a crucial time. And I was mortified. Skin-crawlingly embarrassed. I just wanted to rewind my life a few minutes and make a different decision. Even thinking of it now (and I’m sure for years to come) I’m cringing. Do you know that feeling?
So here’s the good news. My HP Pavillion (hear that HP? Want to send me a new one?) is a little fighter. Despite looking like this -
![DSCF2531[1]](http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3048/2589142522_8bf423f861_m.jpg)
![DSCF2534[1]](http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3260/2589142028_09289aa323_m.jpg)
![DSCF2533[1]](http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3168/2589141772_90db325f35_m.jpg)
she still works! In fact, this very blog post was written on her unscathed keys. Some of her bottom was melted, but the CD-ROM and everything else still functions. We just have to buy a new mouse - it still works, but is more warped and wonky.
Despite my humiliation, Jason was understanding and sweet about the whole thing. He agreed that it may not have been the best idea to hide the laptop there. But I still can’t help but wonder if he envisions spoonfeeding me applesauce and pinning my name and address onto my jacket in his near future.
Can you all please help me stop cringing and convince Jason that I haven’t lost all of my marbles? Please leave me your best (or worst, I guess, depending on how you look at it) absentminded incident/story in the comments. I realize probably no one will come close to stealing my Queen Dumbass crown, but it would be awfully comforting to know that I had a bit of company in my court.
Oh Andi, I didn’t realize that this was yesterday! You were handling it remarkably well. Even knowing how it ended had me cringing. Even the dog was crying!
I feel your pain! I have ADHD, so my whole life is chockful of moments like that! Glad your laptop survived!
I needed two things from the store - Easy peasy, yes? No.
These two items (garbage bags and dog food) entailed THREE trips to the store because the first trip I felt like milk, grape juice, eggs and chocolate were the ”few things” I needed. Got home and realized um, no. Back to the store this time I bought milk (AGAIN), orange juice and crackers. Home again and UUUUGGGGGHH can I really be that stupid? Why yes, yes I can because the third time was the charm in that I got the garbage bags and dog food but also got milk (!!!!!!) and eggs (again).
Glad you’re baby only needs a new mouse - I have always known that kitchen appliances were of the devil and now I have proof.
Well, I haven’t “cooked” my computer, I am more of a forgot to turn on the oven, stove, dishwasher, washing machine, dryer, etc… kind of person. I forget what I was going to post about, I forget my kids names, I forget what I need at the store, I forget where I am going. I forget everything!!!!
Glad your baby just needs a new mouse. And that you didn’t lose your pictures.
I lose my keys every day. EVERY day. My husband bought me a little thingy to attach to my keys, so that I can push a button and the thingy on my keys makes a beeping noise. And then I lost the botton thingy. Sometimes my keys are lost for a little while. Some times, well there was this one time I lost my keys the year before we moved (4 years ago), and I later found them (this year) in my sofa…which had been cleaned and vacuumed several times, by me.
And my brain shorts don’t stop there. I often lose my shoes around the house (shoes that I have worn that day). I often have panicked searches for my wedding ring which seems to just fly off my finger the moment I enter my house (I don’t like rings). And for some reason, I can never ever find my purse. Don’t get me started about my cell-phone. I’m just glad I can remember it’s number because I’ve called it several times from my home phone.
So no.
You are not alone.
I am the queen of the absent minded. Welcome to my court. The land of the oblivious is a great place to be!
Oh. Honey. And I never say Honey. Why not the broiler drawer that barely gets hot and would equally not be a place thieves would look? Hello Jason. Hi!
But I can barely focus on the task at hand because I’m still so enthralled with you plotting revenge on Laundry. Laundry and I have a complicated relationship. Actually, not all that complicated. I hate It. It hates me. We understand each other.
So, so sorry for your (sorta) loss. I’m with you on the fortytrillion things on your mind. Men don’t get it. I say that with utmost love. And annoyance. And love.
hey, at least your laptop stand out now. And no one will want to steal it.
walking into the store with my mantra “heavy starch and milk, heavy starch and milk, heavy starch and milk” trolling through my consciousness…..
fast forward ten minutes—- leave the store WITHOUT…you guessed it, heavy starch OR milk
why do i have to have the attention span of a gnat?
Holy Cow! Please tell me he didn’t really think that was a smart place to put it??? Although it would have been freakin’ hilarious if he had had to turn on the oven for some reason and forgot about it…
I’m so forgetful too… in fact I can’t even remember a forgetful thing at this moment. I have so many little things running through my head all the time that I never seem to be able to stop!
Yeah, but now your laptop is so punk rock.
I don’t have any specific examples, but my brain is so fried I can’t remember anything if I don’t write it down on the dry erase board or a post-it. Somebody told me recently that it takes 2 years for the Mommy brain to go away and for the functioning one to return to normal. That gives you another year to be absent-minded. Enjoy the excuse.
OMG Andi that is so awful!! Is it wrong that I am laughing so hard? Because I feel so bad for you!!
Kids eat your brain…I am convinced it starts while they are on the inside and on the way out they take it with them…
While I have not melted anything (yet) I am forever leaving my wallet in the car while at the food store…something I only notice after I have loaded the belt with all my crap…
Oh and since having Riley I have lost two…TWO diamond family heirlooms….not a week goes by that I don’t look for them…Spouse swears they are in the house but I can not find them anywhere!
Back up your images and send off a letter to HP…you may just get a new one out of this!
I simply cannot believe that laptop works. Amazing.
Mine would have been in flames. I’d never remember. The OVEN?? Wha????
I did a whole post a month ago about my Dumb Blondness. Including the time I was looking through my purse for my cell phone, wondering where on earth it could possibly be, while I was talking on it. Nuf said.
I am very forgetful as well. But my husband is WORSE. I wish he would suggest hiding my laptop in the oven during the day. Because HE would be the one to forget and HE would feel so guilty about melting it that maybe he would get me the MacBook Air I’ve been wanting? I know….I’m dreaming.
Sorry! I forgot what I was going to say!
Background: We were robbed when I was a toddler.
Fast forward 10 plus years to me being an active teenager.
I was going out (can’t remember where) and needed to bring brownies. We were out of butter so mom & I were going to make a quick run to the 7-11 up the street. You know “I’ll buy, you fly” kind of trip.
Mom grabbed her wallet and threw her the rest of her purse (a faux alligator tote thing) into the oven to keep it “safe”. Do you see where this is going?
We came home and I ran upstairs to get all “dolled up”. When I got out of the shower, there was a very fowl oder hanging in the air. I ran downstairs in my town and head turban to find, my mother frantically opening all the windows and my date, holding my mother’s smoldering purse with a pot holder. I couldn’t even be embarrassed (for me or my mom), I was laughing so hard.
Sorry to hear about your laptop.
What I always say when I do something dumb, at least it will make a good blog post. Ta-Da!
Tell your husband men do it too, the other day my husband poured an entire bottle of Dawn into a cabinet. It helps to make sure the built in soap dispenser actually has a dispenser attached!
Oh dear. This is the sort of thing I would have done.
Ok, I’ve got a story for you that I’ve never told anyone. I once drove to school to pick up Joseph WITHOUT ANY PANTS ON. I had been doing some painting and got some paint on my pants and I took them off meaning to replace them with another pair before I left. I was wearing this really long tshirt and somehow I managed to leave the house and get all the way to school before I realized I had no pants on. I just sat there in the parking lot stunned at my own stupidity. The good news was that another mom I knew happened to be walking in to get her son and I was able to call her over and ask her to bring Joseph out. The bad news was that I had to explain to her why I couldn’t leave my car. It was awful and I’m still humilated whenever I see that woman. And that’s why I’ve never told anyone that story.
Oh Andi. Oh Andi. While I was reading this I thought to myself, why don’t you just put a note on the top of the stove saying Remember: Laptop in oven. But then I realized, that would defeat the entire purpose of placing the laptop in the oven.
I’m sooooo smart.
Oh good lord, you are not a dumbass. Putting a laptop in the oven, well, what is that about? I would completely forget about it too. When I start cooking, the first thing I do is turn on the oven to preheat. Without looking.
Why not hide the laptop in the dryer instead? At least you have to open the door before turning it on, right? And what thief would look in the dryer?
OH MY GOD! My heart just stopped, thinking of the horror!!!!
I like Heather’s idea of hiding it in the dryer, much safer.
And for a dumbass moment of mine….hmmm….I once lost my wedding rings for a few days. I was too afraid to tell Tate, I was sure he’d scold me for being SO DUMB. Turns out I had taken them off and put them in cleaning solution and promptly put the cleaning solution away. I completely forgot I’d done that.
You know, I heard this storey the other day and I’m STILL cringing. You and your laptop are troopers.
And tell your Dude to use his head and maybe the oven every once in a while. Honestly!
Having ADD, this is my entire LIFE! There’s no way anything could be hid in the oven or it would die a painful death. It’s a good thing us forgetful people have an acute sense of smell, I think we evolved that way because the forgetful people without a great sense of smell…or just a sense that something is very very wrong…died.
My husband just laughs at me…what else can he do? It definitely can be embarrassing…someone asked me yesterday if I was really a blonde…ouch. FORGETFUL…not ditzy.
I’m glad your computer works still, I was hoping that was the outcome.
I’m just amazed that you’re not the only one who puts stuff in the oven to “keep it safe.” (Hi Reesie!) Wow.
And I was totally with Teri on the whole “why didn’t you just put a note on the stove” thing…except I never realized why that was a bad idea until I read her post.
I haven’t had any really bad forgetfullness moments yet but when I was in 4th grade my Mom drove me to school…but forgot me at home! Whoops! Try explaining why you’re late to the school secretary with that one!
OH.MY.GOSH!!! I can’t believe your computer survived being cooked! Next time I buy a laptop, that’s the one I’m getting.
I hear you though. I am so absent-minded lately it is frightening. The ones that get me are the “early days” from school that happen at random intervals. I forgot to pick up my son several times and I’m sure the people in the office thought I was just a terrible Mom.
I do find it gets worse when I don’t get enough sleep. Since I never get enough sleep, I think that’s the heart of the problem. It’s better on the weekends when I can catch a few extra ZZZZ’s.
PS: Hint for the laptop. I keep mine in a kid’s backpack with wheels. Yes, I feel a little silly carrying the thing in and out of the office, but I don’t have to worry about leaving it in my car. Nothing says “steal me” like one of those big black laptop bags. This way, the thieves don’t know if it’s homework, soccer clothes, or a computer in there!
Thanks!
Adrian
No. Way.
And I get pissed at my husband for leaving casserole dishes in the oven. I never check it before I turn it on. Never.
I once left a pot of water boiling on the stove, to sterilize some soothers or something baby related. Then I went downstairs to throw some laundry in the dryer, got distracted by my computer, and came upstairs 45 minutes later to an empty, sizzling, almost molten pot. That felt stupid.
The question is, “Who WOULDN’T accidentally cook their laptop if it was just sitting in the oven like that??” For serious. I think you deserve a medal just for going, what, two? three days WITHOUT cooking it. I’m glad it still works, too.
so happy to see the laptop lived!!
as for the brains - i wish mine would come back too. beans really should be a smart little one, she really sucked out all my brain power.
at least you didn’t lock your baby in the car - tee hee!
What is this “oven” thing of which you speak? and “cooking?”
Seriously though, I would have fried that puppy about 20 minutes after he put it in there. And I am in shock that your laptop, whose outer shell now looks like a clam, still works. If I wasn’t such a Mac lover I would definitely consider an HP.
I was sooo hoping that you wouldn’t be the one to turn on the oven. That is completely something I would do!
And don’t feel bad. I forget things all the time. Eggs boiling on the stove. Keys lost for days at a time. Words missing from my brain.
Maybe you should write to HP (though you would have to risk the embarrassment!) and tell them the story, just to see what their reaction might be.
I guess your next post will be “hot off the press” Ohh.
Instead of Alzheimers, right now, its just part-timers.
Eventually you’ll get to some-timers… and then there’s most-timers, and well.
The next step is the last.
My precious car is in the body shop, right now.. why? Because I took a right turn WAAAY too tight, and scraped along a guard rail. Did you know that a guard rail can open up the side of your car like a can opener? I didn’t know that either.. I know that now.
Very embarrassing. Very expensive.. and I understand exactly how you feel!!
OUCH! Yeap, that’s me on pretty much a daily basis…phone interview today… Completely forgot what I was talking about and who I was talking to and proceed to say “Shit, I hate it when my brain farts” out loud, on the phone….to the person who may have, at one point considered hiring me.
HELP ME….
I can’t believe it still works. Awesome.
My boss once baked a dictionary that he’d stored in the oven.
Jason should get a smack up the head…..you are on autopilot because you are running the entire show in your head the whole time…he is not.
I am amazed that it still works..amazing.
[...] collection from Classy Mommy.Mom Tips: At say YES! to hoboken, an adorable baby photo project… at Poot and Cubby, where not to keep your laptop… and at Modern Mom, new groups for all your remaining Qs. [...]
I read your post a few days ago and thought of you last night when I had a brain lapse. I enjoy grocery shopping and often times just go to relax — I know that’s very weird and very sad, but whatever. Anyway after picking up over $150 in groceries I was checking out and realized I forgot my wallet. I had to drive 20 minutes home and 20 minutes back to pay the bill because the store manager wouldn’t accept a credit card over the phone. So my “relaxing” grocery shop turned into more stress. Not the same, but thought I’d share any way.
Shit, the brilliance of this one has made me forget all of my dumbassery. The thing is, if I ask Sean to remind me it’s sure to get my wicked-stubborn chin all tweaked with defensiveness because please, one is not meant to relive it all at once!
On another note, can you send me an email? I need to ask for your permission about something.
Thanks.
Amanda
Please write to amanda at designtramp dot com
OMG - I can’t believe that you did that and most of all I can’t believe that it still works. HP should pay you for such great advertising ….
Hope your weekend improves!
OH DEAR HANNAH.
I would use that against my husband every damn day of his fraggin’ LIFE!
Look at the bright side… at least it wasn’t stolen.
[...] 23, 2008 by Andi In case you have any doubt about my mad dumbassery skillz after the melted laptop post*, I present to you the following tips about how to transfer your aptitude towards idiocy at the [...]
I may have a story that will make you feel better. I was working for a couple of years in London on a ex-pat assignment for a large networking company. As part of the assignment, I was given a company car (a new BMW 325i).
On a Friday afternoon while on assignment, I was supposed to join colleagues at a nearby restaurant in a crummy neighboring town (famous for having a boys detention center) for a celebration lunch, and was tied up late at work. I was in a hurry to get to the lunch before it ended.
I parked the BMW in the parking lot next to the restaurant (which is located in a mall that is famous for car thievery and mischief — bands of boys up to no good roaming around…), and hurried into the establishment to catch the tail end of lunch.
As we were all leaving the restaurant an hour later (me and 15 of my colleagues), the hostess asked: “Do these BMW keys belong to anyone??” I checked my purse, noticed my keys were missing, and hesitantly said yes. She called the manager over, and he hurried over to recount in a loud voice how the keys ended up at the restaurant front desk.
Turns out I had left the keys IN THE IGNITION, ENGINE STILL RUNNING (!!), and door of the car open…IN THE RAIN. Not only that, I’d left a 20 pound note (more valuable than a $20 bill) ON THE DASHBOARD, and my ipod in plain view in the center console.
I guess it all seemed so outrageously easy that none of the miscreants hanging around attempted to steal the car, thinking that it was undoubtedly a set-up…
So stupid, it defies belief, but it’s all true. Some good samarian who was having a drink at the restaurant bar noticed the car running and the door open. He pulled the keys out, locked the car, and turned them in to the restaurant management.
Color me DUMBESTASS.
hey andi- so i sent a link to this post to the CEO of HP. figure he’d love it, too!
Well - thank goodness it is still working.
A neighbour of mine once put chicken in the oven to defrost - and forgot it. For 2 days…
It didn’t work when she found it.
Oh, Andi! I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I would do if that happened to me, cry probably, for a few weeks at least. I forget things all the time. I can’t actually leave the house only once, I have to come back for at least one thing, and usually it takes me three or four trips from the house to the car before I have everything. And I don’t even have to be going anywhere important. Ooh, twice - but only once that was really embarrassing because I totally wasn’t expecting it - I had been gone for ten minutes, then came back for something and walked in on Steve looking at internet p0rn. Heh. It was a moment. Poor guy thought he was all alone for the afternoon. That was years ago, I think now he knows to wait at least half an hour.
[...] heart for how you were treated. You were truly too good for us. First, your thoughtless owner burns you alive. Miraculously, with only a few surface scrapes, you pull through. You allow us to back up all [...]
This story made me cringe a bit. I’m glad that you still have your kids’ pictures. Those are irreplaceable. Which leads me to do this: BACK UP YOUR DATA! You got lucky. But since that hard drive in the laptop has endured a fair bit of stress, go out to walmart or wherever, buy an external hard drive that is large enough for your photos, music, and documents. Get those copied onto another drive just to be safe. Trust me, you don’t want to lose those pictures.
Okay, that’s that. Hope everything continues on well.
[...] I have recently (like today) had the opportunity to go look at every link in a fellow blogger’s blogroll; in doing so, I came across the charming site of a young Mommy Blogger called Poot and Cubby. From what I can see, I’m betting I’m at least 15 years older - probably closer to 20 - than this young woman. While there, I came across a post titled That’s Queen Dumbass to You. [...]
I’m afraid to actually write in a public form ALL the dumb ass things I’ve done, but I’m quite positive I’d have burnt that laptop to a crisp!