I’ve been working on a post of a serious nature, but I’m just not in the mood right now to make it right. Maybe I’ll bless you with some pearls of wisdom next week. Ha! In case you’re wondering, this post is brought to you by my fantastic new computer. She has a 20 inch screen and is a real looker. It will be nearly impossible to shove her into the oven or give her motherboard a drink, so I think she may be rooming with us for awhile.
Now, onto the business at hand. What do I do when I have nothing to say? I exploit my children for gain because that’s what Mommy Bloggers do. Some seriously funny shit comes out of the daughter’s mouth and I feel I’d be remiss in not sharing. Without further ado, I give you some quotables from the past few weeks:
1) Elliot: How old am I again?
Me: Three and a half.
Elliot: But I’m a big kid. I wanna be five.
Me: That’s not possible. You are three.
Elliot: Actually, I decided. I’m five. That’s it.
2)Elliot: I don’t like watching the news.
Me: Why?
Elliot: Because there’s no princesses or bears and stuff.
3) Jason has a charming ability to joke with Elliot relentlessly until she cries. After one such episode, Elliot finally seemed to figure out her dad and said the following: Oh, daddy. You’re just joking.
Jason: Nope. We don’t joke in this family.
Elliot, now in tears slams her fist down onto the coffee table like she’s delivering a guilty verdict: WE JOKE IN THIS FAMILY!
4) After watching Arlo in the bath. Elliot: I see Arlo’s boobs.
Me: Honey, boys don’t have boobs.
Elliot: Yes, they do.
Elliot, clearly not tired of the hilarity that comes with saying words like “boob” says to her fully-clothed father: I can see your boobs, dad.
Jason: Oh, ya? I see your penis.
Listening to this all day makes me wonder why I bother to pay for cable.
That last bit is HILARIOUS.
as the saying goes ’straight out of the mouths of babes’ - their innocence is so refreshing and cute!
You’re family is awesome.
HA! I don’t know who is funnier, Elliot or Jason!
Oh and please let Elliot know…I don’t watch the news for the exact same reason.
Hilarious!
So funny!
My Shark Boy has actually pointed out that his baby brother (17 months) has boobs - cause he’s so chubby.
Remind me to tell you about the time my FIL told Jack about titties. Oh, that was fun times.
And if Elliot wants to be 5, what the hey. I want to be 29. Can’t I???
HAHA!! Jason is hilarious…”I see your penis.” He reminds me of my hubby in the ‘teasing until she cries’ aspect. Yeah, my hubs tends to do that too
oh my - sooo flippin funny!!
seriously honey - “actually i decided” i just love it!!
That’s PRECISELY why I don’t watch the news!
Awesome! The world would be better with more bears on the news.
I want to win the lottery, actually, I decided. I won! That logic will now take me far in life. Thank you, Elliot!
Gotta love the logic of a preschooler! Maybe she has X-ray vision as a superpower and that’s how she saw Jason’s man “boobies.”
You’re hubby’s quite the funny one too if I do say so myself
Aah dammit. I mean’t “Your”.
Elliot and her dad sound like quite a pair! They could start their own reality show!
Little Bear does the same thing about her age. She is about to turn five, but she often insists that she will turn even older the next month. Once her and her three-year-old cousin Baby Bear both insisted that they were fourteen, and wouldn’t take no for an answer!!!
I’d give up cable any day for one of Elliot’s quips. Actually I have done just that quite often.
My husband is a smartass, and has corrupted my beautiful babies to be just like him. Thankfully, it has come back to bite him in said smartass. A few years ago, our beautiful, angelic looking Ally was wrestling with her Daddy, and when he purposely tripped her, she fell and ended up straddling a toy. She came running to me and said Daddy hurt my vagina. Now that isn’t funny, but what ensued was priceless. My husband is a major prude, and was mortified that she said the word vagina, and proceeded to get really upset. We sit down for dinner, and Ally looks at him and starts grinning like a fool and says “VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA”. He had it handed to him by a four year old.
Oh yeah?
Well, when I ask my older boy his age: “Hey Dex, how old are you?”
He nearly always replied, “I’m forty pounds!”
I love red herrings.
Simon - Common mistake as she has a boy’s name, but Elliot is my daughter. Which makes the whole “seeing her penis thing” a bit funnier…
Not hard to see where she gets her sense of humor, with both of you contributing to her material!
ha ha!
So cute.
Oh, I love these. I agree with you about the “why pay for cable, when we have these hilarious kids around here” attitude. I ponder that a lot around here.
My personal fave is the declaration of “…WE JOKE in this family!!!” ha ha ha! Sounds so similar to my daughters with my husband. Same relationship.
Oh, don’t worry, I figured out the girl/Elliot paradox before posting my comment (and I much prefer non-traditional or -standard names myself), I think I was just in a mood to compete for child-induced humour. I can sooo relate to feeling like we live in a sitcom with the frequency of the one-liners that ricochet off our walls.
When I was babysitting Elliot and Arlo yesterday, we went to leave the house and I said, “Wait a minute - I have to check if I have my keys”. Elliot said, “Grandma, I saw you put them in your pocket? Can’t you remember anything?” I told her that’s what I had her for - to remember things.
You guys want to come stay with us for a week or so? You’d fit right in. It’s faded slightly now, but Matilda was OBSESSED with penises (and the idea of penises, and the idea that she had her own penis) for a while. It was actually starting to creep me out a little bit, but now they’ve moved on to farts, so it’s all good. Good family fun.
Gotta love kids. Mine always chooses to embarrass me in public - like yesterday at the bathroom in Target :
(child) “Mommy, why do you have to sit down while you pee?”
(me whispering) “I’ll tell you later, honey.”
(child) “Oh, I know. You have to sit down while you pee because your penis is inside you.”
(me, I got nothing for that one)
(child) “Wow, Mommy. You sure are peeing a lot!”
(me in my head) we are NEVER going to this Target again!
my darling daughter and her “boyfriend” were taking a bath together- she was 15 months old, he was 18 months old. she’s sitting in the bath, he’s standing. he turns towards her, so she now sees his penis at eye level. her response?
“eeeewwwwww”
and, of course, my dad put it in perspective: “at least she didn’t say wow!”
now, if she can just continue feeling that way— for at least the next sixty years….
LOL - They make you laugh so you don’t string them up by their thumbs when they’re insufferable.
BAHAHAHAHA!! my jason jokes my 3 year old to tears as well, but would never say “penis” to her for fear that she would suddenly become interested in them, find the nearest one on a street corner, move in with him, become a crackhead and get pregnant.