I’m aware that BlogHer has been over for a week now. I’ve been meaning to write this post for the past several days, but have been too busy. I’m sure the blogosphere is getting tired of all the BlogHer chat, but I really feel like there are some things that I’d like to talk about and then return to my posts where I obsess about my angelic children (ha!)
Like I said in my previous post about the conference, I had FUN. It’s always been difficult for me to make female friends and it was an amazing experience to meet women who I consider REAL friends. Oddly enough, it seems as though admitting you had fun is offensive to some haters who have nothing better to do but get their hate-on for people who chose to enjoy themselves. Yes “chose”. I’m a strong believer that you alone are responsible for your own happiness and if you choose to be miserable, that’s no one’s fault but your own. (I’m of course not talking about clinical depression, but again, you can choose to get some help for that, too).
I’m annoyed that during the past week when a blogger has hinted she had a few awkward moments or felt snubbed by another blogger, the commenters engaged in a feeding frenzy. Screaming out, “Oh my god! I knew it! That’s why I’ll never go because everyone will be bitches and it will be all cliquey and high school.”
I’m not sure how some people ever have their ridiculously high expectations met. For me, I just wanted to hook up with some of my online friends and possibly make a few new ones. Sure, I’ll admit all 1000 of us weren’t sitting around singing kumbaya and trading underpants. I’ll admit I was surprised that some of the people I thought I knew turned out to be different than I expected. But why is that their fault? Why should they be punished for my skewed perceptions of them? That is so unfair.
Like many others in an unfamiliar and overwhelming situation, I stuck close to my comfort zone. Even though I met many other bloggers I connected with, I think I spent more time with women I already “knew.” It was difficult to spend as much time as I wanted with everyone I talked to. And I’m just a speck of dust in the blogosphere. I can’t imagine how awkward it must be for those women that we’ve celebrified for some ridiculous reason.
I don’t really get the whole “celebrity” thing. I don’t get it in general, and I really don’t get it when it comes to the blogosphere. I don’t read books just because the author’s popular. I don’t watch a movie for the “famous” people that are in it. And I certainly don’t read a blog because the person is some sort of internet celebrity. I read or watch what I like.
Just because a woman has a lot of readers, is she automatically a bitch? Should we automatically assume she is less than human? That’s just sad. I talked to a bunch of the “A-listers” and they really were just normal people who wanted to hang out with their friends, like the rest of us. But because they’re “popular” women started getting nasty and calling them a clique. These “less-popular” bloggers who the “A-listers” don’t know, all of a sudden expected the popular girls to jump up and down and welcome them into their circle of friends. I find that strange. First of all, what’s wrong with some people that they can’t feel validated without hanging with the cool kids? Especially when the whole notion of “cool” and “popular” is just a perception. Some women let their own insecurities fuel their twisted views of people and I think they need to start taking responsibility for that.
Some women went so far as to start an anonymous hate blog after the conference. I thought it was pretty ironic that women who felt snubbed, were now being far meaner than their targets were initially. And doing it without having the ovaries to put their names on the posts.
And I know that some women honestly felt disapointed when someone they thought was a friend was rude to them. But was it intentional? If you honestly felt hurt by someone, could you e-mail her and give her a chance to explain her side of things? And if that person is honestly just a bitch (because of course, they exist too), do you not have many other potential friends worthier of your affection?
So, now I’m rambling. I guess I just want to say to those of you who are thinking about going to BlogHer next year, but have been scared out of the idea by people focusing on the negatives rather than the positives, you should GO. Go and choose to have fun. If you’re nervous, try to meet up with someone you know. Share a room with her. Use the strength of your comfort zone to take some risks and meet some awesome new people. Don’t believe the cliquey, catty bullshit the haters have fed you.
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-Other people may have been more eloquent in their response to this than me. If you’re interested, go visit Her Bad Mother, Casey, Karen Sugarpants, Mrs. Flinger, or Suebob.
-If you haven’t already, you should read these two posts that made me (and pretty much everyone else present) cry at the community keynote.
-And, if you want to see some pics of me at the conference (always with the same exact smile for some reason), I have favorited a bunch on Flickr as I was too lazy to take my own pictures. I’m also going to update my Linky Love page to include all the great people I met.
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Peace out, bitches.
You know what I hate most about your post? That YOU WERE THERE AND I DIDN’T MEET YOU? Really, they need to make this convention, like, a week longer. Next year, we’re making a DATE to hook up. Period.
As for the rest, couldn’t agree with you more.
Well said, friend. Well said.
I love that you just said that, and all the heart you said it with.
I was sad we didn’t get to spend more time together, but I understand. You were busy wrangling drunky mcdrunkerson, which I admired, and not just because I was relieved it wasn’t me you were wrangling.
For the record, Andi did whatever the hell she wanted to for the whole damn conference. The first day? She freaking went shopping. After that? Who the hell knows because I could never find her and she was my roommate.
I have a sneaking suspicion that she was having fun.
We absolutely made of it what we wanted to make of it. End of story.
If I swear not to torture you with questions about Canadian politics again, will you be my roommate again next year? One of the best parts of the conference for me was going back to the room with you and Jennifer at the end of each day. Because no matter what happened during the day, the most down-to-earth reality awaited us in that room with each other.
Although we never did trade underwear. Was that even an option? If so, I’d like some of Mr Lady’s underwear, so let’s bring her in on it next time.
You know, I completely understand that there are people out there who are shy and have a hard time putting themselves out there. But. If you can’t walk up to a person in a room where 85% of the people know NOBODY (like me), then maybe BlogHer isn’t for you. If you’re determined to be the one on the outside looking in, there isn’t anything anyone can do to stop you.
Huzzah!! Andi, FTW!!!
Big smoochies, girl. You were everything I imagined — and more.
Perfect! I can’t wait to go next year!
I probably should say this elsewhere, but Megan? careful what you wish for, sister.
I’ll see you there next summer. I’ll be the short one with the frizzy hair, loud mouth, and southern accent.
Great post and so true. I think people confuse long standing relationshps with cliquishness and that is really unfortunate for everyone involved.
I went to BlogHer not knowing a soul who would be there in real life. I read blogs and comment on some, so it was a lot of fun to put faces to names. But I didn’t go with high expectations (I wrote a post about whether I should even go) and didn’t know what to expect. It was AWESOME. I really was. With few exceptions, I was accepted and welcomed in. I made friends for life.
I met really down-to-earth people, and when I commented upon their “celebrity status” they psshawed me. Honestly, I didn’t meet anyone (with the exception of Heather, and she was still nice) that even considered themselves CRSB (Celebrity Rock Star Bloggers). We were all on pretty equal footing.
I came home and wrote a post about it, and am getting some good feedback. It might help some.
[...] some bloggers pour their heart and soul into posts, and get little recognition or feedback? Most of those Rock Star Bloggers are really nice people. with just a few notable exceptions, mostly those who have bought into their own press.
I have come to the conclusion: it isn’t that people are rude or cliquey, they are just full[...]
Forgive the link, but I really am hoping it might help the haters who may wander in
http://casadecruz.blogspot.com/2008/07/what-i-learned-at-blogher-08-2.html
You rock.
And don’t even get me started on the cool thing…
Well put Ms. Andi.
I’m impressed with your response. Bravo to you.
Hi There, saw the link to this post through Twitter. Well said, and I agree. So if I go next year (nay, I will! positive thinking) I keep these words in my head
A hate blog was started after the conference?!
That’s just awful and sad.
In my recap post I basically owned my overwhelmedness and that I felt kind of lost which is hard for me because I usually have my shit together. I think you went in with the right attitude and that’s why it was fun for you. That’s awesome. I met a lot of people that I knew on line and that I had never heard of but universally, no matter if they had no commenters or 400+, they were all so damn NICE and friendly.
I’ve been to other conferences (not blog-related) and they are so unfriendly. At BlogHer you could walk up to any table and people would wave you to sit down and ask you about yourself. I thought that was just one of the many things that was great about it.
You’re awesome.
Very well put! And, I thought everyone was trading underpants. At least that’s what my roommate told me. Lying bitch.
I knew zero people when I arrived at BlogHer. I left with some lifelong friends.
You get what you put out there, folks.
Who was trading underpants? WHO? And why was I left out?
(bravo for this post!)
Wait a second, there was NO underpants trading going on? That seals it, I’m never going to BlogHer.
My Dear Sweet Loveable Gourgeous Fun-Loving Niece: You had fun because:
A: Your Grandma’s motto is “Always Have Fun”
B: You went to BLOGher Looking for Fun
C: You were in San Freaking Francisco, for crying out loud!
So glad you had such a great time - there’s nothing like a Gal Getaway to recharge the batteries!
Hope to see you soon!
Very nice. I wasn’t there. Didn’t try to be. But I’m new to the blogosphere. I was always a little on the fringes, never quite popular, but not unpopular. I suspect that something like BlogHer would bring back all those odd feelings from highschool. The ones that I’ve told myself would be different should I be so lucky to relive highschool, knowing what I know now. So I like to think that if I ever attend BlogHer that I’d not allow myself to hate people for the sake of hating people, and that I’d get in there and make my own happiness. Because, really, who else is in charge of me, but me?
Nice post!!!
Guess I won’t hate you for snubbing me anymore.
What? I didn’t go to BlogHer, you say.
Ok, but IF I did go and you snubbed me we’d be cool now.
You kick arse. I’m having a Wunderbar in your honor.
Making a mental note to bring extra panties when I go next year, just in case. Or maybe I should have my business cards printed ON panties… hmm… no one steal that idea!! It’s mine.
I found the hate blog amusing. As someone who didn’t go, I just can’t imagine getting that worked up about the conference unless someone spat on you after you gave your keynote. Maybe people really do need to start trading underwear so that they don’t walk around with their panties wadded up their butts. Just a thought.
And I didn’t get no stinkin’ Wunderbar, either! And you had like a million of them.
Now that I think about it, I got the raw end of the deal. You suck.
i came across your link via someone on twitter, so you have no idea who i am. which is not at all going to stop me from throwing in my two cents:
i agree.
(two cents doesn’t buy much from me in the ways of explanations, so you’ll just have to take the “i agree” and run with it.)
What you said, sister. And what everyone else said, too.
Particularly about the undies.
(PS I have an incredibly soft spot in my heart for Kumbaya jokes, so you had me there.)
I’m curious to see the hate blog. I’ve already read about it, I’m pretty sure, in another post and I have morbid curiosity in those sorts of things. I’d love to go to Blog Her, although I’m not super tight with any bloggers I read or that read me. I like exchanging comments and stuff but I don’t think I’ve really bonded through my blog with anyone. I wish I could, but maybe I’m too reserved or something.
I sometimes try to get more involved or to be friendlier in the blogosphere but often I end up feeling like I’m just not a good enough writer or not a good enough social networker to be invited to write for anything outside of my own blog. Things like that make me not want to entertain the idea of ever going, but meeting other bloggers is intriguing to me.
I also read a lot of mommy bloggers, although I’m not a mommy myself and I think I’d feel very out of the loop.
But anyway, you are absolutely right in what you’re saying. I always though people grew up after highschool but I’ve been very dissapointed in how many don’t.
I have been so out of the blogging loop of late I have only caught snippets of Blogher analysis here and there - but I can’t believe that there was a ‘hate blog’ started - that’s nuts?!
Your post is fantastic, and one can take this and apply it directly to life in general - not just a blogging convention.
Methinks a lot of people need to grow up a wee bit!
I think that this blogging dealio breeds a sense of familiarity and expectations can come with that, too. Should everyone be kind to each other? Sure, there is no reason to be rude to someone who is trying to talk to you. Are you obliged to spend quality time with every single person who you meet at BlogHer? Nope. At a two day conference, that’s not even a practical notion. We are all drawn to certain people and, realistically, those are the people who we are going to spend the most time with.
Now, after reading this, I will spend the day with Talk Talk running through my head, which hasn’t happened for years and years. Since high school, actually.
Baby! Life’s what you make it!
Celebrate it
Anticipate it
Yesterday’s faded
Nothing can change it
Baby, life’s what you make it
Wait. There’s no underpants trading? See, now, THAT is why I’m not going. : )
Next year, we ought to hang, yo.
I’m so over High School, anyway. Let’s move on and be big girls who wear big girl pants and don’t pee in anyone else’s sandboxes.
Yo.
I feel kinda like I do every third Friday when my wife hosts her monthly “Stampin’ Up” parties at our house: almost guilty for having vas deferens. Still, it gives me a chance to observe the behaviour when a group of women get together intentionally, both before and after they all arrive.
And? You completely won me over when you put the period AFTER the quotes around “chose”. Srsly.
i wrote this on other sites that were talking about the same thing…but i just don’t understand why coming to blogher to meet and spend time with people that you read online and have formed a connection with IS WRONG?? why does that suddenly make someone a snob or cliquey??
what some people don’t realize is that some of these bloggers already know each other. and have known each other for YEARS. why is it BAD for them to want to spend time with their FRIENDS??!?!?
i’m not a popular blogger by any means…but i was excited to meet and hang out with some of the bloggers i’ve had email/twitter/blog relationships with for years, months, weeks. i would hope no one would judge me for wanting to do that!!
and ps. every so called “popular” blogger i met was AWESOME. so sweet and nice and wonderful (and HOT)
also? i LOVE you. that is all.
Well put. You WILL NOT have a good time if you choose to stand in the corner and not talk to anyone. You do have to CHOOSE to have a good time. Amen, Andi!
Also, we’re all different people. We’re not going to get along with everyone. That is life. It isn’t cliques or people being rude or mean. It’s what makes us human.
Wonderful. Couldn’t agree more. Except, maybe, wishing I wanted to see more YOU there. Next year we will have fun together. XO
Great post. I hate all the negative attention BlogHer is getting. I hope to one day go and I hope it is the happy lovefest I dream up in my mind. Some insecure people are just feeding off of everyone insecuirties, but in a hateful negative way. You don’t have to love everyone you meet, but you should treat everyone with respect.
“Sure, I’ll admit all 1000 of us weren’t sitting around singing kumbaya and trading underpants.” But two of us WERE! Which reminds me - I’d like my Hello Kitty underpants back, please. Target doesn’t carry them anymore…
Seriously, though, the one thing I realized at BlogHer is that I’m soooo not tapped into the celebrity blogosphere, especially the mommy blogging circle. I was blissfully ignorant, so it was really easy for me not to care about being shunned by the “popular” bloggers because I wouldn’t even know it if I were. What I got out of it was exposure to fabulous bloggers like YOU whom I now adore and probably wouldn’t have known about had I not attended.
This is so incredibly well said and has really made me think Thank you for writing this!
Great post. There’s this terrible part of our culture that likes to put people on pedestals and then knock them off. We rejoice as someone becomes successful, but oops, if you’re perceived as too successful, watch out cause the nastiness starts. It’s everywhere. It’s sad.
Are you sure that no one was trading panties, cuz when I go next year I need to know if I should wear the comfy ones or the ones I would feel fine trading and letting the world see (cuz you know that someone would photograph it and blog it!)
Okay that response sounded so much funnier in my head.
The whole concept of “A-lister” drives me crazy. Some people who considered to be a cool kid may get a thousand hits a day, but I guarantee if you walk through a mall and ask people if they’ve heard of her, you will find very few people that have. It’s a false podium and we all really need to stop putting people on it.
My comment about it got deleted on the blog that wrote it, but there was actually an attendee who got her panties in a bunch because Dooce was using her iPhone/Blackberry/whatever during a session. The blogger thought it was OH SO RUDE of Dooce to be doing that, but um, hello? How do you notice someone who is in the back of the room is texting unless you are staring at her instead of paying attention to the presentation? GAH!
OK, I’ll get off my soapbox now.
Yeah, I missed the trading underpants too.
Nice post, hon.
Well said, Andi.
It was a pleasure meeting you and adding you to my feeder
Although I’ve never traded underpants with anyone at BlogHer, I did walk through the exhibition hall last year with my skirt tucked into my panties. So in a way, I have shared with my fellow BlogHers. If only I had been singing KumByYa as I strolled.
What? Y’all didn’t trade underpants? THAT’S why I didn’t go
YAY!!! This post is so fabulous I want to marry it.
Let’s be roomies again next year! And have even MORE fun!
Despite not feeling that blogher was exactly what I expected (shocking, I know) and feeling a bit weirded out at times, I think I would go back. Enough so that I found myself trying to talk a friend into going next year.
Wanna go makeout?
This post is awesome. So well said.
I’m glad I got to meet you. I was incredibly shy at the conference — which is ODD because in real life (?) I’m a total extrovert.
Anyway, you were a great person to repeatedly bump into there. I felt safe every time I saw you. Like a breath of reality air?
Okay, I’m a dork.
Anyway, thanks again!
Yes, these things can be really strange sometimes. Well, I guess large groups of women can be really strange. I attended a craft convention this week that was somewhat similar to BlogHer and some of the behavior that went on in our group was quite amazing. We had about 35 women in our group and 21 of them were all staying in the same house, which was probably a recipe for trouble anway. But I was really shocked at some of the behavior that was going on during the conference.
Naturally, most of the women were completely sweet and wonderful, but the rest of them ranged from mildly annoying to raging psychotics. I would never post this on my own blog of course, because it would touch off WWIII, but two of them had to be physically separated - they were sisters and having a MAJOR catfight and one of the others went off into a four-letter-word hissy fit on the leader of the group because she wasn’t happy with her sleeping arrangements. Another one had borrowed the money to attend the event from someone who was kind enough (dumb enough, I think!) to lend it to her and then she proceeded to spend MORE than that amount of money on little unnecessary do-dahs at the company store!
Geez, the more I hang around with women, the more I like guys….
Sometimes I think we should do it like Survivor and just vote them off the island!